Every time when I cried so badly when I pray, I am really crying like a baby. It is not because of I lose something, or something really bad happens to me, it is because God's spirit touch my heart so deeply and so vividly. After the crying, I can feel something different, a peace that cannot be described, that is the assurance, knowing that God has controlled everything, either good or bad. He is in charge.
Today, after I watched Brother Leaf's preach, I was touched by how God changes his life and how God make a proud people into someone who is really humble in front of God. Praise the Lord! God urge me to pray to Him. I was deeply touched by His Spirit again so badly. In my pray, I have remembered many verses from the bible which I did not quite understand before. One verse is about: 'You can never see kingdom of God unless you are reborn.' This is from John 3 I guess. Wow, I suddenly realize. Yes, it is true. Unless we are reborn in Him, we can never understand God. We will thought the teaching from Jesus is foolish, we may complain to God very often because we don't understand some of His behavior. Wow, God's words are like a knife which pierce into my heart, making me truly thankful because He has chosen me even though I was so proud before. All I have is thanks to God, thank for His grace, which is totally free, which is the blood of Jesus Christ. Wow, how wonderful. God has given us the best thing in the world. That is one of the most wonderful time in my life.
The other verse I remembered is "Now, it is not me who live inside me, but Jesus Christ." I pray that God will let me to live everyday for Him, and let the Holy Spirit to guide my life within Him. Wow. That is also very wonderful. I know that is what has revealed inside my heart. Before, I was always confused how to deal with my sin everyday, such as procrastination, low efficiency, watch porn videos, lazy, proud, jealousy, and bitterness. I fall on those sins again and again. But I forgot what God said, it is not me who is fighting against those sins, it is Christ who is living in me. It is not me who is going to live everyday, but Christ the Lord who is inside me. Thanks Lord for His amazing changes inside me. But truly, it is work of the Holy Spirit. I don't know how I will fall down again. I don't know. I pray that I will not fall down too often. Do not let the Holy Spirit to worry for me.
Lord, those are my prayer. Lord, first change me to love you more so that I can love myself, my parents, and brothers and sisters, and my friends more in my everyday life. I pray for the biggest gift, LOVE from you. Lord, give me such love that you love the people. Grant me such gift so that I can be your testimony. Lord, change me! Live inside me! Guide my life everyday! I know the day you are with me is the best day forever. I want it everyday! This is my prayer :D
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