The new born baby

Luke 11:9-10
"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; ho who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."

I always thank God for saving me when I was still a sinner. He draw me to Him. He places many questions in my heart and let me to seek Him!

I still remember at the very beginning, I have a lot of questions. In fact, sometimes I asked the question only for the sake of question. But these questions keep me continue seeking Him, and He answered my questions from many aspects. And all because of Holy Spirit, it changes my heart, it lets me know that I am a sinner, it lets me know that I am not God, it lets me know my weakness. I thank God so much for giving me so many lessons.

I was baptized at Aug. 1st, 2010. But at that time, I did not realize the new birth inside me. And I sinned again and again even after I was baptized, which makes me doubt a lot about what bible has said. But I am sure that through almost half year, I have seen how God changes me, how God uses many people, things around me to help me. I think I have to share two things, two things (sins) that makes me feel really really bad everyday, which hinder my growth of faith.

One is pornography. I admit that I was really be habit with the porn. When I was back in China, it is common for a college students to watch porn. And if you have never watched, people may laugh at you. So it is very normal to me! Although I know maybe it is not good for health, but I just do not take that too seriously! But ever since I get to know Bible. In Matthew 5:28, Jesus said: "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." OMG, what does that mean? Who is Jesus? No man cannot sin! Regardless of whether it is permitted to watch porn from Bible. To me, I know God does not like me to do that. But even after I was baptized, I still cannot get out of that habit. I asked some people, and they gave me a lot of suggestions, such as pray, read scripture, escape, etc. I have tried all of those, but I cannot get rid of it. I just cannot get rid of it, no matter what effort I had made! But today (01/06/2011), I haven't been distracted or drawn by porn for two days, which is a big improvement for me. (I should be shame to say this...) Because after I have spent 2 hours on preparing the bible study (John 3:1-10), I start to realize that I am cleaned by the Holy Spirit because of God's mercy. I just cannot sin! My body is God's temple! Although it looks nothing have changed a lot. You just have not been distracted by porn for two days. But it means a lot to me, because I can clearly sense something is different in my heart. I really realize the holy of my body, and I have to be obedient to God's command. And I am clearly know that this power is from God. Because God give me a lot of chance to get rid of that bad habit by myself through many ways, but I just eliminate that desire. God is awesome! He breaks me down, but he also builds me up! Praise be all to God!

Another thing is that I cannot really be disciplined! Almost all the time, I cannot focus on things very well, and I cannot arrange my time well too. I will easily be distracted by many different things, which makes me not finish the work by time. I was always sad about myself. How could I do to make me more disciplined? How could I finish my work on time so that I don't have to work very late and get up very late? I don't know whether you have that feeling or not? It just feels not so good! And I cannot be really happy and peaceful. But amazingly, I see how I focus on Bible study today. And I can also sense the discipled way of doing things for me currently! I have sense it from my heart. I know it is true this time. I will be discipled well, and will not be worried about my work. And I will be so happy! But God is also funny. He gave me a lot of chance to fix the problem by myself. I also have tried many ways, I asked many people. But I cannot figure it out! I just cannot figure it out! But with God's salvation, I have faith that I have already overcome this problem too.

I was born for already about half year, but I start to get to know the true meaning of faith. I start to know somehow how to get use of the power of the Holy Spirit. Thank you Lord for giving me the Holy Spirit freely, even though I was of little faith back then.

I don't know whether I will watch porn again in future. Properly will! Will I mess up my schedule again? Properly will! But I am sure of one point: I am now free man! I am not bonded by sin any more! All because our savior, our Lord, our awesome God! Praise be all to you! Father!