Why do I have less and less tear?

I still remember the night when I cry to God very hardly, like a baby. Either by some message from Pastor, or by some thing I experienced, or by some song I listened to. I am sure to say that those time is the happiest time of my life, I have never cried that much before. And after that, I felt relieved because I still know my heavenly father still loves me so deeply.

But I don't know from what time, and don't know what is the reason, with time goes on, I do not cry that much. I do not cry to God so badly as a little child, but I can still feel His love and His care for me even though I did many bad thing against my heavenly father. I am a rebellion child, but He is the faithful father. I thank you my Lord, my king, my everything. Within you, I have my refuge. How could I not knowing your boundless love? How I could ignore your amazing grace? How could I be proud of myself?

Lord, I praise you for what you have done for us - to send your only son on earth and die for us!!! How great it is! I praise you for all that you have done, all because you love us so much.

Lord, I may become more mature, but I know my love for you have also become more mature. I may not need to cry that often to you as before, but I am more sure that you love me more than I can image. Lord, help me to be more obedient to your command and become your true disciple. Give me the humility that I do not have, and give me the love that I do not have. Lord, come to live inside me, I need you, I need you to redeem me.

God, Lord, you are wonderful, you are amazing! All praise be your name!

I do believe, but help with my unbelief

Lord, how many times I forgot your amazing grace. You have shown to me clearly after I pray to you for healing my disease; you have shown what amazing thing you have done on Yue Ming when we went to deal with the difficult she faced; and you have guided me step by step to lead me to UNC Chapel Hill. Everything is under your control, but I forgot every of them. How many times I would rebel against you? How many times will I do in my own way for living my life or even when I serve you! Oh, Lord, give pity on me.

I do have experienced all the bless you promised to your children, but many times, I am without a thankful heart, I don't really obey your commandment to be your true disciple. But I know you have compassion on me, even though I fail you thousands of time, I know you still love me, and you still want to use everything planed by you before the age to teach me and to test my faith in you. Lord, come to observe my hearts and my minds to see whether there are something not in favor of you. If there are any, come to take it out from me. I am willing to let you to come into me fully and do whatever you want in me. Lord, come to see whether I am telling the truth or lying to you.

I know many times I have doubt in you, I am double-minded. But you taught us not to shake but to stand firm in our faith. Because you said for those who have faith in you, asking what is in favor of your mind, you will make it come true. Lord, I trust your word, I trust for all you have done to us is to save us and give us eternal life. How amazing the grace is! Why am I not satisfied with your grace? You have done a lot, much more than what we can image - You died for us because of our sin against you!

When can I really understand your grace and your greatness? Lord, come into me and guide my life. I am willing to open my heart to you and my pray is that you will come to my heart and use me, who are not deserved, to fulfill your plan. Lord, come to tell me what I should do because I am saved by you with a high price, I will use my whole life to pursue the humility you teach us.

Lord, I thank you for what you have done. And no matter what, I pray that you can hold my heart and my mind, and let me focus on you. You are all I deserve. I pray in Jesus name.