I think my road for research is not very smooth. When I graduated at 2009 from Nanjing University, I spent two years at CMU. At that time, actually I know that I do not know anything about doing research. What I have by that time is some amateur interests and passion for my AI dream, building a machine which can have the same intelligence as human being. However, I have no idea about how to really solve the problem. At first, I was very proud of myself, and think that I can make some big contributions soon. Later, I realize that what I have at that time is purely interest, but no foundation to support such interest, and do not actually have the action to make it real.
I start doing research in the computer vision field, which seems to be very interesting to me because I am awed by how the human eyes can enjoy the visual world so abundantly. However, when I go deep into the research field, and know the state-of-the-art method for dealing with the problem, I was somehow disappointed because the field can only achieve the understanding of a baby. It can never achieve the level of human being. One more thing made me sick at that time is that I notice that all the papers are about mathematical equation. I had some thought by that time, does our brain need so many mathematics to achieve our common skills, such as vision?
Actually, my longest dream is to build a real AI machine. My philosophy and belief is that I can only build such machines by mimic how the brain works. Neural network seems to be the first choice. The basic unit of the model is one unit which is a sigmoid function of the input, which actually does the very similar thing as the neurons in our brain. The hope is to be able to train the whole parameters (the weights within the connections) for the big network. However, this seems to be too difficult to solve. Until recently, Hinton invented the Deep Belief Network, where he can train the network layer by layer and construct such huge network by stacking many Restricted Boltzmann Machine from one to the other. The framework seems to open a new window for the AI dream. DBN is actually very similar to how the brain works, and it actually has been proven to be effective, for example, it has beaten the SVM on the raw input pixel value of the digit database MNIST.
Anyway, these two days, I spent some time, reading related papers, listening to the talks given by those pioneers who are working in the DBN, it is really exciting to embark on this new land. I wish I can really spend some time, learning some real stuff, but not just junk. Let me learn things just out of my interest. I am on the road of a PhD. If that is so, do everything I can to understand things well enough.
There is much to learn, but I know God has given me wisdom and He truly has blessed me and make my learning be so effectively, I will praise Him and sing song to Him because He is worthy of that. Thank you Lord! I am going to explore the world that you have created, give me a humble heart in front of you and give me a thankful heart also, because I know future is in your control. May glories be all to yours! Amen
2011/12/08
2011/11/23
Rejoice in the Lord
Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
Lord, I cannot rejoice, because my own selfness, and my ego. I have to rejoice because this is your command, Lord!
Give me the strength, and let me learn how to rejoice even in the persecution and in the time of frustration. I will yet pronounce your name among the nations, because what you have already done in my life. You give your son, Christ Jesus, to us so that we can share the eternity with you.
Praise all to the Lord!
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
Lord, I cannot rejoice, because my own selfness, and my ego. I have to rejoice because this is your command, Lord!
Give me the strength, and let me learn how to rejoice even in the persecution and in the time of frustration. I will yet pronounce your name among the nations, because what you have already done in my life. You give your son, Christ Jesus, to us so that we can share the eternity with you.
Praise all to the Lord!
2011/11/18
Judging Others
Thank God for letting Brother Haihua reminding me that I should not judge other people when I fail to see the plank in my own eye. I found myself very easily to become a hypocrite, I judge other brothers and sisters, and feel proud of my own self. Oh Lord, forgive my sin and forgive my hypocrisy. Do not let me look up myself more than I deserve. You teaching is trust-worthy
Luke 6:3742
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, press down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into you lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
He also told them this parable: "Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pitt? A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
Amen! Teach me the wisdom for not being as a hypocrite, but be a faithful servant of you, my Lord! Let me boast on my weakness, so that the glory of God can be revealed.
May God bless my submission of the paper and let me report the true results, but not some false results which are not included in the paper. Be a good researcher is much more important than publishing thousands of papers.
God bless!
Luke 6:3742
"Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, press down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into you lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."
He also told them this parable: "Can a blind man lead a blind man? Will they not both fall into a pitt? A student is not above his teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like his teacher.
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.
Amen! Teach me the wisdom for not being as a hypocrite, but be a faithful servant of you, my Lord! Let me boast on my weakness, so that the glory of God can be revealed.
May God bless my submission of the paper and let me report the true results, but not some false results which are not included in the paper. Be a good researcher is much more important than publishing thousands of papers.
God bless!
2011/11/15
Holy Spirit testifies everything
Before I was saved, I cannot understand Christianity, I cannot understand the bible neither. All I have is doubt and sometimes I even mock at the believers, thinking they are loser. I did not know that my pride in me has blocked the truth.
After a long time, about one year, I became a Christian, I still doubt about the existence of God from time to time, I am not sure whether I have been saved or not. One reason for this is that I still sin again and again, feeling like I am not saved at all. But this is all lies from Satan, he tries to separate me apart from the Gospel, which is Jesus Christ died for my sin and cleanse all the sin. I tried to increase my knowledge, and my understanding of the bible, but it makes no difference, I still struggled from time to time because I did not understand God's grace correctly, I still think I can gain favor from God by my action.
Until recently, the Holy Spirit is working strongly inside me. Sometimes, when I listen to some songs, I cried like a baby again and again; when I pray to God, I cried like a baby. I know clearly that it is not from myself. Again, God actually reveal Himself to me through Himself, not me to find Him. How amazing! This is the Gospel actually. It is not about me, it is about God. He select me, He save me, He set me totally free, He reveal Himself to me. I cannot deny all the thing God has done to my life.
Lord, I confess all my sin to you, all the previous wicked thing I have done, which is not in favor of your eyes. Lord, come to search my heart and cleanse it if you find anything bad. I totally submit myself to you, I know who you are! I give thanks for your grace, and your amazing work. Rejoice! I have eternal life!
I am so grateful for all you have done to me, Lord. Not because I deserved, but because of your grace. I am nothing, I am weak, but Lord you are powerful. Empty me, and fill your Holy Spirit inside me. Even the young and strong will get tired, but the one who has the Holy Spirit will soar like an eagle, and never get tired.
Praise the Lord! I just have so many thanks to you! Lord, give me the heart to grasp your promise! I know who you are, teach me what to do! Clean me, and use me! Thanks Lord!!!
After a long time, about one year, I became a Christian, I still doubt about the existence of God from time to time, I am not sure whether I have been saved or not. One reason for this is that I still sin again and again, feeling like I am not saved at all. But this is all lies from Satan, he tries to separate me apart from the Gospel, which is Jesus Christ died for my sin and cleanse all the sin. I tried to increase my knowledge, and my understanding of the bible, but it makes no difference, I still struggled from time to time because I did not understand God's grace correctly, I still think I can gain favor from God by my action.
Until recently, the Holy Spirit is working strongly inside me. Sometimes, when I listen to some songs, I cried like a baby again and again; when I pray to God, I cried like a baby. I know clearly that it is not from myself. Again, God actually reveal Himself to me through Himself, not me to find Him. How amazing! This is the Gospel actually. It is not about me, it is about God. He select me, He save me, He set me totally free, He reveal Himself to me. I cannot deny all the thing God has done to my life.
Lord, I confess all my sin to you, all the previous wicked thing I have done, which is not in favor of your eyes. Lord, come to search my heart and cleanse it if you find anything bad. I totally submit myself to you, I know who you are! I give thanks for your grace, and your amazing work. Rejoice! I have eternal life!
I am so grateful for all you have done to me, Lord. Not because I deserved, but because of your grace. I am nothing, I am weak, but Lord you are powerful. Empty me, and fill your Holy Spirit inside me. Even the young and strong will get tired, but the one who has the Holy Spirit will soar like an eagle, and never get tired.
Praise the Lord! I just have so many thanks to you! Lord, give me the heart to grasp your promise! I know who you are, teach me what to do! Clean me, and use me! Thanks Lord!!!
2011/11/14
Rejoice
Oh, my heart,
Rejoice.
Holy Spirit is inside me.
Oh, my heart,
Rejoice.
God purifies me.
Oh, my heart,
Rejoice.
Christ died for me.
Oh, my heart,
Rejoice.
My sin has been forgiven.
Oh, my heart,
Rejoice.
I am free.
Live a life worthy of the calling,
God commands me.
Forgive others,
because Christ forgives me.
Forgive myself too,
I am not condemned.
Praise the Father, Son, and Spirit,
you gave me the new life.
Thank you!
Rejoice.
Holy Spirit is inside me.
Oh, my heart,
Rejoice.
God purifies me.
Oh, my heart,
Rejoice.
Christ died for me.
Oh, my heart,
Rejoice.
My sin has been forgiven.
Oh, my heart,
Rejoice.
I am free.
Live a life worthy of the calling,
God commands me.
Forgive others,
because Christ forgives me.
Forgive myself too,
I am not condemned.
Praise the Father, Son, and Spirit,
you gave me the new life.
Thank you!
The Beatitudes
Matthew 5:3-12
"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
God's words are so powerful. When I look at myself and compare to these commandments, I am shameful because I know I am not qualified for these. Even so, I am still confident that the Lord will still give me the eternal life because I am certain that the Holy Spirit is living inside me. I pray that the Holy Spirit will remind me of His Words all the time and can really live them out in my life. It is truly very hard. it is not me doing this, but God is doing this through me.
Thank you Lord for giving me the new life. How I wish I can live a life worthy of the calling and be a faithful servant of God. Lord, equip me to be your soldier. Help me stand firm in your Words.
Thank you Lord!
"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
God's words are so powerful. When I look at myself and compare to these commandments, I am shameful because I know I am not qualified for these. Even so, I am still confident that the Lord will still give me the eternal life because I am certain that the Holy Spirit is living inside me. I pray that the Holy Spirit will remind me of His Words all the time and can really live them out in my life. It is truly very hard. it is not me doing this, but God is doing this through me.
Thank you Lord for giving me the new life. How I wish I can live a life worthy of the calling and be a faithful servant of God. Lord, equip me to be your soldier. Help me stand firm in your Words.
Thank you Lord!
2011/11/12
God touch my heart today to be a missionary
After about one week's class on seminary course, I have learnt a lot. It is not a course teaching me what is the only way for interpreting the Bible, but it is a course of life, which influence my heart. I can clearly distinguish that previously I have doubt in my heart about God, but now I can really feel His existence, and His truth from the Bible.
This afternoon, after I came back home, I listen to the song played in the couse - "Thank You" by Ray Boltz, which touch my heart again and again when I listen to it. I know it is the touch from the Holy Spirit because my heart will not be so touched by the content of the song. Then I made a prayer to God with tears on my eyes, saying that "Here I am, equip me Lord, clean my sin and impurity, I don't know what is your time, I don't know what is your plan, but I know I am willing to give my whole life to you. It is genuine and I know it is not from my own heart."
At now, I really don't know whether it is God's calling or not. I made a call to Jiawei and Haihua about this, Haihua said that I need to wait for God, if it is really God's calling, He will make it clear in my heart and they and other brothers and sisters will pray for me. Actually, I am very fearful about my parents, how will they think about it? Will they think I am crazy? How could I just give up all my previous education and to be a missionary? I really don't know what is God's calling, I don't know. I wish I could be just like Prof. Huang, being a professor but also be used by God in my research. This maybe is my own selfish desire, and my own willing. I wish I could have the faith and courage to follow God when He really calls me to do so, because I know it is not me who is serving God, but He Himself is helping me in my service, and I will have peace, joy, and love.
Another struggle, as Haihua also said, is that the life of a missionary will be tough and be persecuted. I really don't know now. Lord, if it is really your calling, let me be your servant and be your channel, and equip me well for your kingdom. Lord, if it is really your calling, make it clear in my heart and let me have faith in you no matter what. And I take refuge in you!
Praise the Lord!!!
This afternoon, after I came back home, I listen to the song played in the couse - "Thank You" by Ray Boltz, which touch my heart again and again when I listen to it. I know it is the touch from the Holy Spirit because my heart will not be so touched by the content of the song. Then I made a prayer to God with tears on my eyes, saying that "Here I am, equip me Lord, clean my sin and impurity, I don't know what is your time, I don't know what is your plan, but I know I am willing to give my whole life to you. It is genuine and I know it is not from my own heart."
At now, I really don't know whether it is God's calling or not. I made a call to Jiawei and Haihua about this, Haihua said that I need to wait for God, if it is really God's calling, He will make it clear in my heart and they and other brothers and sisters will pray for me. Actually, I am very fearful about my parents, how will they think about it? Will they think I am crazy? How could I just give up all my previous education and to be a missionary? I really don't know what is God's calling, I don't know. I wish I could be just like Prof. Huang, being a professor but also be used by God in my research. This maybe is my own selfish desire, and my own willing. I wish I could have the faith and courage to follow God when He really calls me to do so, because I know it is not me who is serving God, but He Himself is helping me in my service, and I will have peace, joy, and love.
Another struggle, as Haihua also said, is that the life of a missionary will be tough and be persecuted. I really don't know now. Lord, if it is really your calling, let me be your servant and be your channel, and equip me well for your kingdom. Lord, if it is really your calling, make it clear in my heart and let me have faith in you no matter what. And I take refuge in you!
Praise the Lord!!!
2011/08/26
Why do I have less and less tear?
I still remember the night when I cry to God very hardly, like a baby. Either by some message from Pastor, or by some thing I experienced, or by some song I listened to. I am sure to say that those time is the happiest time of my life, I have never cried that much before. And after that, I felt relieved because I still know my heavenly father still loves me so deeply.
But I don't know from what time, and don't know what is the reason, with time goes on, I do not cry that much. I do not cry to God so badly as a little child, but I can still feel His love and His care for me even though I did many bad thing against my heavenly father. I am a rebellion child, but He is the faithful father. I thank you my Lord, my king, my everything. Within you, I have my refuge. How could I not knowing your boundless love? How I could ignore your amazing grace? How could I be proud of myself?
Lord, I praise you for what you have done for us - to send your only son on earth and die for us!!! How great it is! I praise you for all that you have done, all because you love us so much.
Lord, I may become more mature, but I know my love for you have also become more mature. I may not need to cry that often to you as before, but I am more sure that you love me more than I can image. Lord, help me to be more obedient to your command and become your true disciple. Give me the humility that I do not have, and give me the love that I do not have. Lord, come to live inside me, I need you, I need you to redeem me.
God, Lord, you are wonderful, you are amazing! All praise be your name!
But I don't know from what time, and don't know what is the reason, with time goes on, I do not cry that much. I do not cry to God so badly as a little child, but I can still feel His love and His care for me even though I did many bad thing against my heavenly father. I am a rebellion child, but He is the faithful father. I thank you my Lord, my king, my everything. Within you, I have my refuge. How could I not knowing your boundless love? How I could ignore your amazing grace? How could I be proud of myself?
Lord, I praise you for what you have done for us - to send your only son on earth and die for us!!! How great it is! I praise you for all that you have done, all because you love us so much.
Lord, I may become more mature, but I know my love for you have also become more mature. I may not need to cry that often to you as before, but I am more sure that you love me more than I can image. Lord, help me to be more obedient to your command and become your true disciple. Give me the humility that I do not have, and give me the love that I do not have. Lord, come to live inside me, I need you, I need you to redeem me.
God, Lord, you are wonderful, you are amazing! All praise be your name!
2011/08/22
I do believe, but help with my unbelief
Lord, how many times I forgot your amazing grace. You have shown to me clearly after I pray to you for healing my disease; you have shown what amazing thing you have done on Yue Ming when we went to deal with the difficult she faced; and you have guided me step by step to lead me to UNC Chapel Hill. Everything is under your control, but I forgot every of them. How many times I would rebel against you? How many times will I do in my own way for living my life or even when I serve you! Oh, Lord, give pity on me.
I do have experienced all the bless you promised to your children, but many times, I am without a thankful heart, I don't really obey your commandment to be your true disciple. But I know you have compassion on me, even though I fail you thousands of time, I know you still love me, and you still want to use everything planed by you before the age to teach me and to test my faith in you. Lord, come to observe my hearts and my minds to see whether there are something not in favor of you. If there are any, come to take it out from me. I am willing to let you to come into me fully and do whatever you want in me. Lord, come to see whether I am telling the truth or lying to you.
I know many times I have doubt in you, I am double-minded. But you taught us not to shake but to stand firm in our faith. Because you said for those who have faith in you, asking what is in favor of your mind, you will make it come true. Lord, I trust your word, I trust for all you have done to us is to save us and give us eternal life. How amazing the grace is! Why am I not satisfied with your grace? You have done a lot, much more than what we can image - You died for us because of our sin against you!
When can I really understand your grace and your greatness? Lord, come into me and guide my life. I am willing to open my heart to you and my pray is that you will come to my heart and use me, who are not deserved, to fulfill your plan. Lord, come to tell me what I should do because I am saved by you with a high price, I will use my whole life to pursue the humility you teach us.
Lord, I thank you for what you have done. And no matter what, I pray that you can hold my heart and my mind, and let me focus on you. You are all I deserve. I pray in Jesus name.
I do have experienced all the bless you promised to your children, but many times, I am without a thankful heart, I don't really obey your commandment to be your true disciple. But I know you have compassion on me, even though I fail you thousands of time, I know you still love me, and you still want to use everything planed by you before the age to teach me and to test my faith in you. Lord, come to observe my hearts and my minds to see whether there are something not in favor of you. If there are any, come to take it out from me. I am willing to let you to come into me fully and do whatever you want in me. Lord, come to see whether I am telling the truth or lying to you.
I know many times I have doubt in you, I am double-minded. But you taught us not to shake but to stand firm in our faith. Because you said for those who have faith in you, asking what is in favor of your mind, you will make it come true. Lord, I trust your word, I trust for all you have done to us is to save us and give us eternal life. How amazing the grace is! Why am I not satisfied with your grace? You have done a lot, much more than what we can image - You died for us because of our sin against you!
When can I really understand your grace and your greatness? Lord, come into me and guide my life. I am willing to open my heart to you and my pray is that you will come to my heart and use me, who are not deserved, to fulfill your plan. Lord, come to tell me what I should do because I am saved by you with a high price, I will use my whole life to pursue the humility you teach us.
Lord, I thank you for what you have done. And no matter what, I pray that you can hold my heart and my mind, and let me focus on you. You are all I deserve. I pray in Jesus name.
2011/05/02
Satan is a liar
Satan is liar. He tries to condemn you; he confuse you the truth; he makes you doubt at the truth; he makes you have no love to brothers and sisters; he leads you astray from what God want us to be. He is a master of liar.
No matter whether you like it or not, you are in the battle of spiritual war, if you profess that you are a Christian. What is truth? Jesus said He is the truth, the way, and the life. And I believed in Jesus, son of the Most High God. God called us to fight a good fight, fight against the angel-like demon - Satan!
Father,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come.
Give us each day our daily bread.
Forgive our sins,
for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.
And lead us not into temptation.
Flesh, world, demon, get away from me. I rebuke you all in Jesus Christ holy name. Do not want to deceive me. As scripture said, "Be self-controlled and alert." Scripture also said, "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever."
God did not condemn people. God did not come to perish people. But He comes to save people, give people abundant life, and forgive our sin by His sacrifice of blood. God, rebuke the demon in my thought, they are liar. Father, help me out of their temptation.
Glory be all to your name! Amen!
No matter whether you like it or not, you are in the battle of spiritual war, if you profess that you are a Christian. What is truth? Jesus said He is the truth, the way, and the life. And I believed in Jesus, son of the Most High God. God called us to fight a good fight, fight against the angel-like demon - Satan!
Father,
hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come.
Give us each day our daily bread.
Forgive our sins,
for we also forgive everyone who sins against us.
And lead us not into temptation.
Flesh, world, demon, get away from me. I rebuke you all in Jesus Christ holy name. Do not want to deceive me. As scripture said, "Be self-controlled and alert." Scripture also said, "And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever."
God did not condemn people. God did not come to perish people. But He comes to save people, give people abundant life, and forgive our sin by His sacrifice of blood. God, rebuke the demon in my thought, they are liar. Father, help me out of their temptation.
Glory be all to your name! Amen!
2011/03/22
The eternal freedom
What is the major difference separating Christianity from other religious? The answer is God's Grace!!! And the grace is free from God, and the only work that the believer has to do is to believe in the Son of God, Jesus Christ! And anyone, no matter whether he is rich, poor; powerful, low; healthy, weak all have the same free gift! What an amazing statement!!! Except Jesus Christ, the son of God, who else dare to say this? Even someone said this and have many believers, but time will prove everything!
I was literally saved on Aug. 1st, 2010. The remarkable date that I claim to be married to Jesus Christ. I still remembered clearly the tough time I have been through before I know Christ, and how God struck me down and make me humble. I also remembered how I doubt about the bible, laughed at the believers how stupid and lowly they are, and asked many many questions in the bible study. And how remarkably I turn 180 degree around to believe in God and give up my questions to faith and decided to be baptized. All this are wonderful to me, and lead me in front of God.
And I really enjoyed the Honeymoon day with Christ, and how I cried out a lot like a baby when I listen to some music; how I was moved and inspired by the words of the bible; and how exciting that He gives me the offer from UNC in unexpected time according to what my friends and I consistently pray for; and how peaceful I become as a Christian.
But things never went just in good direction. Although I claimed to be a Christian publicly, but I should admit that a lot of time I am afraid to claim my religious status among my non-christian friends. Although I can preach Gospel well to people who are interested, claiming the essential idea of Faith, when I am alone, I am still struggle with my faith and have doubt about all the things happened. Although I have more services in the church and in the small cell group, I somehow still do all these things according to my flesh and do not have a clear idea what it means to do it for Christ. Although I have been purified by God, I always come back to my old life and do the things that I used to do and God don't like.
I struggle, I doubt, I sink, I self-centered. With all the voice around me with atheist; all the voice about money, status, papers, work, wife, children; all the arguments about the faith; all the bad things happened around; and the normally life happened everyday without any change, make me feel far far away from God. I lose the passion I had before in the honeymoon. I become used to every religious activities I have done, I become more and more out and just want to be a bystander. But I cannot turn back anymore, because the things without God is horrible to me. I cannot turn back anymore, because what I have experienced and learned from the bible tells me it is good stuff. I cannot turn back anymore, because I have so many good Christian friends.
But is that what I want to be? Jesus said He comes to give us life and eternal freedom. What that means? Do I have to remain the religious things because I cannot turn back? Do I have to pretend to do all these good things to look godly? What does God's grace really mean? It means BELIEF!!! That is all we need! God don't need us to do anything for him; God does not need us to persuasive other people through our knowledge about the bible; God does not need us to obey the sabbath! All He need for us is to BELIEVE Jesus Christ! And He will give the freedom and grace freely to us! Before we behave godly more, let us believe more! And He will give us the life and eternal freedom!
Little prayer:
Heavenly father, I thank you for the free gift that you gave to us as your children. I thank you for saving us with a big prize that you kill your son for our sins. I thank you for your promise that if we believe, we will have life and freedom. Father, give me wisdom to understand more! Give me wisdom to know your will more! And give me faith because I am of little faith! Father, I also repent for my sin! I repent that you will purify my body and do not let me watch porn anymore! I repent that you will purify my mouth that I will not say things that hurt people anymore! I repent that you will clean my mind that I will only focus on you and see other things as meaningless! I repent about my pride, my self-center, and my hard heart! Father, without your love and your promising, I will surely fall out and go far away from you. But you are faithful, but I am faithless! You are righteous but I am wicked! Father, let your Gospel be source of everything for me to cleanse me and renew me everyday! I pray in Jesus name! Amen!
I was literally saved on Aug. 1st, 2010. The remarkable date that I claim to be married to Jesus Christ. I still remembered clearly the tough time I have been through before I know Christ, and how God struck me down and make me humble. I also remembered how I doubt about the bible, laughed at the believers how stupid and lowly they are, and asked many many questions in the bible study. And how remarkably I turn 180 degree around to believe in God and give up my questions to faith and decided to be baptized. All this are wonderful to me, and lead me in front of God.
And I really enjoyed the Honeymoon day with Christ, and how I cried out a lot like a baby when I listen to some music; how I was moved and inspired by the words of the bible; and how exciting that He gives me the offer from UNC in unexpected time according to what my friends and I consistently pray for; and how peaceful I become as a Christian.
But things never went just in good direction. Although I claimed to be a Christian publicly, but I should admit that a lot of time I am afraid to claim my religious status among my non-christian friends. Although I can preach Gospel well to people who are interested, claiming the essential idea of Faith, when I am alone, I am still struggle with my faith and have doubt about all the things happened. Although I have more services in the church and in the small cell group, I somehow still do all these things according to my flesh and do not have a clear idea what it means to do it for Christ. Although I have been purified by God, I always come back to my old life and do the things that I used to do and God don't like.
I struggle, I doubt, I sink, I self-centered. With all the voice around me with atheist; all the voice about money, status, papers, work, wife, children; all the arguments about the faith; all the bad things happened around; and the normally life happened everyday without any change, make me feel far far away from God. I lose the passion I had before in the honeymoon. I become used to every religious activities I have done, I become more and more out and just want to be a bystander. But I cannot turn back anymore, because the things without God is horrible to me. I cannot turn back anymore, because what I have experienced and learned from the bible tells me it is good stuff. I cannot turn back anymore, because I have so many good Christian friends.
But is that what I want to be? Jesus said He comes to give us life and eternal freedom. What that means? Do I have to remain the religious things because I cannot turn back? Do I have to pretend to do all these good things to look godly? What does God's grace really mean? It means BELIEF!!! That is all we need! God don't need us to do anything for him; God does not need us to persuasive other people through our knowledge about the bible; God does not need us to obey the sabbath! All He need for us is to BELIEVE Jesus Christ! And He will give the freedom and grace freely to us! Before we behave godly more, let us believe more! And He will give us the life and eternal freedom!
Little prayer:
Heavenly father, I thank you for the free gift that you gave to us as your children. I thank you for saving us with a big prize that you kill your son for our sins. I thank you for your promise that if we believe, we will have life and freedom. Father, give me wisdom to understand more! Give me wisdom to know your will more! And give me faith because I am of little faith! Father, I also repent for my sin! I repent that you will purify my body and do not let me watch porn anymore! I repent that you will purify my mouth that I will not say things that hurt people anymore! I repent that you will clean my mind that I will only focus on you and see other things as meaningless! I repent about my pride, my self-center, and my hard heart! Father, without your love and your promising, I will surely fall out and go far away from you. But you are faithful, but I am faithless! You are righteous but I am wicked! Father, let your Gospel be source of everything for me to cleanse me and renew me everyday! I pray in Jesus name! Amen!
2011/03/20
Sinful V.S. Graceful
Thank God to reveal many of my unknown sinful desires in the bottom of my heart through these two years life in Pittsburgh. Next time, when people ask me how I was changed by becoming a Christian, I can tell them that I feel more that I am a sinful person than ever before; but I will also tell them I feel more blessed because of God's grace.
The chinese church at pittsburgh (PCCO) currently has been spending almost two to three months talking about God's grace. I still can remember one figure where it shows that the longer we are becoming a Christian, the more we realize how sinful we are; but the grace of God also becomes bigger. Hallelujah! Praise be all to the Lord!
I strongly believe that people are sinful from the very beginning. Why? I really don't know how other people thinks, but I should confess my sin here:
1. I love myself more than God! This is quite true. I will put the priority of my work, life, and everything before God! But I will put God's words and His commands all to the end! But His words and His commands will last forever! However, I will just ignore the real wisdom but pursue the worldly things and influenced by the environment around.
2. I am a self-centered people. All I have done is to comfort myself! All I have done is to make me happy, and I don't care about other people's feeling! Sometimes, I speak things too fast, or make joke on other people. And my mouth is like a arrow, it does not have any gentle and love. For example, a few days ago, I make a joke to Jess saying that she speaks too loud and too much. I do not intend to criticize her, but I think that may make her not feeling well somehow. When people say something bad to me, the first thing I response is that I am correct, but you are the one to blame. For example, when I co-worked with Yue this weeks, I always do not keep my time, but delay my promise, but I am still criticizing she does not do anything, and she can finish this, she cat do that, blablabla... from my heart.
3. I am easily motioned people. I always think I am a easy going people, and I am good enough that everyone will say that I am good. But these two years tell me that I am not, definitely not! I am immature, I am not good, I am without any Christ love at all. For example, I am angry when zach talked about things about china ppl, my prior information and teaching make me feel not good and my inner sinful things burst out like a flood which I never know.
4. I am a not self-controlled people. Jesus said we should treasure the time he gives to us, and should work hard for his kingdom and also obey the master (our boss). But I am not at all. I do not quite satisfy with what my boss told me to do. I want to do something bigger and influential. Obviously, I am walking in my own way, and playing with the fire, and do not control my time well. Also, I cannot control to abandon watching porn!! I know God hates adultery, but I just cannot control that.
There are many many more sinful things in me. I am sure God will reveals more and more in future according to his time. I thank God to let me know that I am a sinful person, and I cannot save by myself at all. Because if there is no God in me, all the things I have done is for the personal sinful desires for myself. God come to cleanse me with your abundant grace and with your endless love. I present all the sins in front of you, and I submit all my body and all my soul to the holy spirit! Teach me good and lead me away from the wicked!
Nothing will change my love to you! My precious Lord! Although I will sink or fall again in future, I know you will never forsake me, because you are good and you are justice, I am willing to be your child, and you be my father!
The chinese church at pittsburgh (PCCO) currently has been spending almost two to three months talking about God's grace. I still can remember one figure where it shows that the longer we are becoming a Christian, the more we realize how sinful we are; but the grace of God also becomes bigger. Hallelujah! Praise be all to the Lord!
I strongly believe that people are sinful from the very beginning. Why? I really don't know how other people thinks, but I should confess my sin here:
1. I love myself more than God! This is quite true. I will put the priority of my work, life, and everything before God! But I will put God's words and His commands all to the end! But His words and His commands will last forever! However, I will just ignore the real wisdom but pursue the worldly things and influenced by the environment around.
2. I am a self-centered people. All I have done is to comfort myself! All I have done is to make me happy, and I don't care about other people's feeling! Sometimes, I speak things too fast, or make joke on other people. And my mouth is like a arrow, it does not have any gentle and love. For example, a few days ago, I make a joke to Jess saying that she speaks too loud and too much. I do not intend to criticize her, but I think that may make her not feeling well somehow. When people say something bad to me, the first thing I response is that I am correct, but you are the one to blame. For example, when I co-worked with Yue this weeks, I always do not keep my time, but delay my promise, but I am still criticizing she does not do anything, and she can finish this, she cat do that, blablabla... from my heart.
3. I am easily motioned people. I always think I am a easy going people, and I am good enough that everyone will say that I am good. But these two years tell me that I am not, definitely not! I am immature, I am not good, I am without any Christ love at all. For example, I am angry when zach talked about things about china ppl, my prior information and teaching make me feel not good and my inner sinful things burst out like a flood which I never know.
4. I am a not self-controlled people. Jesus said we should treasure the time he gives to us, and should work hard for his kingdom and also obey the master (our boss). But I am not at all. I do not quite satisfy with what my boss told me to do. I want to do something bigger and influential. Obviously, I am walking in my own way, and playing with the fire, and do not control my time well. Also, I cannot control to abandon watching porn!! I know God hates adultery, but I just cannot control that.
There are many many more sinful things in me. I am sure God will reveals more and more in future according to his time. I thank God to let me know that I am a sinful person, and I cannot save by myself at all. Because if there is no God in me, all the things I have done is for the personal sinful desires for myself. God come to cleanse me with your abundant grace and with your endless love. I present all the sins in front of you, and I submit all my body and all my soul to the holy spirit! Teach me good and lead me away from the wicked!
Nothing will change my love to you! My precious Lord! Although I will sink or fall again in future, I know you will never forsake me, because you are good and you are justice, I am willing to be your child, and you be my father!
Sorry, Mr. Zach
Dear Brother Zach,
I feel very sorry about my angry expressed last night when we discussed about the the Chinese government and America government.
I thought I was a peace lover and can treat people equally well and do not have nationalism. But from last night, I can see that I am not. Just like when I first became a Christian, I thought I was not sinful at all, but as I know Christ more, the more I realize I am a sinner.
When I was raised up in China, I was taught how western countries robbed our country, and how Japanese conquered China. And I thought that China has 5,000 years' old history, I am proud of that. And America attack Iraq, Iran, and many middle east countries, because it wants the oil there and because maybe it is the plot of America to conquer and control China. I don't know how many people think like me, but I am sure there are many.
But from your mouth, I can see that somehow it is different from what I thought it should be. It really struck me, and make me don't know what is the truth! Are we all live in the lie? All government wants to protect their own authority. Maybe country like America where CNN may criticize the government somehow, but there should be some bottom line that CNN cannot say anything about.
I really want to seek the truth, but we can only listen to the media (like internet, news), but are they reliable?
However, this makes me love God more, because we human being are all sinful, we focus on ourselves, we are in plot, we are angry. We are evil from the bottom! Jesus said brothers should not be angry with each other, but should love each other with Christ's love. Sorry about what I have done! I am still a baby in Christ, I do things in flesh, I do not love God more than myself. May God's Grace be with us forever and ever until the end of the world! Hallelujah!
In Christ,
Wei
I feel very sorry about my angry expressed last night when we discussed about the the Chinese government and America government.
I thought I was a peace lover and can treat people equally well and do not have nationalism. But from last night, I can see that I am not. Just like when I first became a Christian, I thought I was not sinful at all, but as I know Christ more, the more I realize I am a sinner.
When I was raised up in China, I was taught how western countries robbed our country, and how Japanese conquered China. And I thought that China has 5,000 years' old history, I am proud of that. And America attack Iraq, Iran, and many middle east countries, because it wants the oil there and because maybe it is the plot of America to conquer and control China. I don't know how many people think like me, but I am sure there are many.
But from your mouth, I can see that somehow it is different from what I thought it should be. It really struck me, and make me don't know what is the truth! Are we all live in the lie? All government wants to protect their own authority. Maybe country like America where CNN may criticize the government somehow, but there should be some bottom line that CNN cannot say anything about.
I really want to seek the truth, but we can only listen to the media (like internet, news), but are they reliable?
However, this makes me love God more, because we human being are all sinful, we focus on ourselves, we are in plot, we are angry. We are evil from the bottom! Jesus said brothers should not be angry with each other, but should love each other with Christ's love. Sorry about what I have done! I am still a baby in Christ, I do things in flesh, I do not love God more than myself. May God's Grace be with us forever and ever until the end of the world! Hallelujah!
In Christ,
Wei
2011/03/14
Why my faith will be affected by other people?
I noticed the effect that my faith will be challenged and affected by other people's perspectives. I remember that when I saw a MIT professor publicly proclaim her Christianity faith on her website, I cannot express how exciting I am; but when I saw Noah Smith, a CMU well-known professor explicitly against religion in science, I feel kinda sad and nervous.
What is truth? It is good for everyone to ask this question! The good news is that there are many people asking this question; on the other side, there are many different answers to this question. Where are we come from? What is the reason for us to live? Where are we going? Some people find answers in religion, some others find answers in science, some in emptiness, some in philosophy... But, what is truth? People will have different perspectives on this question. To be honest, I am still skeptical. But I believe the truth, and the truth can be testified.
Why do I bother this question a lot? Don't know! Sometimes, I prefer not to think this question, but just live a simple life. But from time to time, I start questing myself: what is my faith? what my life value should be? what life do I want to live?
It is a choice for everyone! Which do you choose in the road of searching the truth? We can try different things, but the only truth can stand! Let me walk with Jesus through my life, and see what wonderful things He will present for me! At least now, Jesus is the source of everything for me! Because GOD IS LOVE, JESUS IS LOVE! Amen!
What is truth? It is good for everyone to ask this question! The good news is that there are many people asking this question; on the other side, there are many different answers to this question. Where are we come from? What is the reason for us to live? Where are we going? Some people find answers in religion, some others find answers in science, some in emptiness, some in philosophy... But, what is truth? People will have different perspectives on this question. To be honest, I am still skeptical. But I believe the truth, and the truth can be testified.
Why do I bother this question a lot? Don't know! Sometimes, I prefer not to think this question, but just live a simple life. But from time to time, I start questing myself: what is my faith? what my life value should be? what life do I want to live?
It is a choice for everyone! Which do you choose in the road of searching the truth? We can try different things, but the only truth can stand! Let me walk with Jesus through my life, and see what wonderful things He will present for me! At least now, Jesus is the source of everything for me! Because GOD IS LOVE, JESUS IS LOVE! Amen!
2011/03/11
you got a dream, you got to protect it
It is one of my favorites movie, especially love one scripture from there
Dad: Hey... don't ever let anybody tell you you can't do something... not even me... all right?
Son: alright...
Dad: you got a dream, you got to protect it. People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. You want something, go get it, period it!
http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi4093116697/
Dad: Hey... don't ever let anybody tell you you can't do something... not even me... all right?
Son: alright...
Dad: you got a dream, you got to protect it. People can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. You want something, go get it, period it!
http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi4093116697/
About dream
What is my dream? Exactly speaking, I kind of know it when I was a junior student. My dream is to construct a machine which have the same intelligence as human beings. But with time going on, many difficulties arise to run against my dream. The hardness of real life, the temptation of work for good life, the quit for PhD for many of my classmates, the failure to get into the graduate program related to Brain research, the loneliness in life with no support, the laziness, the proud, the impatience, the impetus heart... It looks like the dream is going far and far away, the passion gradually fades away, and I drift like many people, loosing my target.
I know many people have this feeling. I think most people have the dream in their childhood, no matter whether it is big or not. But with time goes on, people start giving up something. Now, it is my chance to trust my belief, and diligently working towards my dream, and do not led astray by the worldly value system.
As according to God's will for my life, I don't quite know that. If God's will for me is to explore the brain of human being, then I will go ahead and do it; if God's will for me is to spread out the Gospel as a missionary, then I will also go and do it. I think I should pray more to know God's will.
Anyway, it is really important to have faith, no matter for what. And I know faith have saved me, faith have given me the new life. People, if you don't have faith, come to Jesus Christ; and he will give you a new life and eternal life with God.
Let you will be done!
I know many people have this feeling. I think most people have the dream in their childhood, no matter whether it is big or not. But with time goes on, people start giving up something. Now, it is my chance to trust my belief, and diligently working towards my dream, and do not led astray by the worldly value system.
As according to God's will for my life, I don't quite know that. If God's will for me is to explore the brain of human being, then I will go ahead and do it; if God's will for me is to spread out the Gospel as a missionary, then I will also go and do it. I think I should pray more to know God's will.
Anyway, it is really important to have faith, no matter for what. And I know faith have saved me, faith have given me the new life. People, if you don't have faith, come to Jesus Christ; and he will give you a new life and eternal life with God.
Let you will be done!
2011/03/09
The old memory
I have difficult to take a breath now, because all of my old memories float up from the bottom.............
I remembered the time we went to FengHuang; I remembered that I was sleepless for the first time because of you; I remembered that I carry you on my back and you don't want me to do that because you were afraid that I will get tired; I remembered that I can run to Yangzhou to buy you the dolls; I remembered that I cannot stop watching the TV show that you liked a lot; I remembered I searched all your diaries and notes online to try to know you more; I remember we sat beside the river although speechless but still have a lot of fun; I remembered every details now... but all of these just make my heart broken, I want to go back to that time, to my first love.
You are not perfect, my mom don't like you a lot, I don't know why I love you when you ask me that, I don't believe true love before, I don't believe the things happen in the TV show... but after I know you, I began to believe all things, I don't know whether I will get in love with someone else again like how I loved you.
When I listen to the music that we listen to when we were in love, my heart flees back to the time when we listen to them together. Oh, where is that? How could I forget all of that?
speechless............................................. just want to go back to the time :'(
I remembered the time we went to FengHuang; I remembered that I was sleepless for the first time because of you; I remembered that I carry you on my back and you don't want me to do that because you were afraid that I will get tired; I remembered that I can run to Yangzhou to buy you the dolls; I remembered that I cannot stop watching the TV show that you liked a lot; I remembered I searched all your diaries and notes online to try to know you more; I remember we sat beside the river although speechless but still have a lot of fun; I remembered every details now... but all of these just make my heart broken, I want to go back to that time, to my first love.
You are not perfect, my mom don't like you a lot, I don't know why I love you when you ask me that, I don't believe true love before, I don't believe the things happen in the TV show... but after I know you, I began to believe all things, I don't know whether I will get in love with someone else again like how I loved you.
When I listen to the music that we listen to when we were in love, my heart flees back to the time when we listen to them together. Oh, where is that? How could I forget all of that?
speechless............................................. just want to go back to the time :'(
This is what the Lord says
Jeremiah 17:5-10
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one live."
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."
The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
"I the LORD search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward a man according to his conduct,
according to what his deeds deserve."
"Cursed is the one who trusts in man,
who depends on flesh for his strength
and whose heart turns away from the Lord.
He will be like a bush in the wastelands;
he will not see prosperity when it comes.
He will dwell in the parched places of the desert,
in a salt land where no one live."
"But blessed is the man who trusts in the LORD,
whose confidence is in him.
He will be like a tree planted by the water
that sends out its roots by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit."
The heart is deceitful above all things
and beyond cure.
Who can understand it?
"I the LORD search the heart
and examine the mind,
to reward a man according to his conduct,
according to what his deeds deserve."
2011/03/06
Sorry, I forgot you
Thank you for letting me know what is love. Thank you for letting me know how to love. Thank you for give me the sense of broken heart. Thank you for teaching me how to treat well to people... I cannot express how many thanks to you, all because the things you have done to me. I made a promise that I will not get into a relationship before you. I don't know how are you doing currently. Don't want to contact you, but I will continue praying for you and hope that one day you can find the One who belongs to you and who can give you true love. Sorry for hurting you, sorry for my immaturity, and sorry for all the bad things I have done to you.
I don't remember from what time, I start forgetting you. Maybe it is because I have a lot of friends here and really have a fun time with them. Time really is a good medicine, which can wipe out all the memories, all the bad stuffs, but only the happy time we had. I still remember the first year that I cannot give up on you, I thought of you day and night. Sorry that I forget you now. I start getting used to my current life. I think it is time to say goodbye to those time, and say goodbye to the old time and old memory.
I will head for a new environment in a few months. I will start a brand new life style. I think I am ready for it now, I will try my best to pursue my initial passion, the things that I told you before. Although, maybe I cannot fulfill the promise I made for you, I will remember you forever and in my bottom heart. You will be in my inner part of my heart, no one will come to there, only we two have been there. I will reserve that place for you, and put all the good memories that we had.
I still remember that you asked me: why do I love you so much? I don't know exactly the answer now. Maybe it is because you are my first love. Thanks for giving the love and letting me to love you with a pure heart. It is really a good memory. Hope we can all reserve this memories inside our heart and make it holy.
I have too much words to say about us; but I think it is time to stop. I will make you a position in my heart. You are my first love. Thank you! Sorry, I forgot you! Wish you all the best! God bless you!
I don't remember from what time, I start forgetting you. Maybe it is because I have a lot of friends here and really have a fun time with them. Time really is a good medicine, which can wipe out all the memories, all the bad stuffs, but only the happy time we had. I still remember the first year that I cannot give up on you, I thought of you day and night. Sorry that I forget you now. I start getting used to my current life. I think it is time to say goodbye to those time, and say goodbye to the old time and old memory.
I will head for a new environment in a few months. I will start a brand new life style. I think I am ready for it now, I will try my best to pursue my initial passion, the things that I told you before. Although, maybe I cannot fulfill the promise I made for you, I will remember you forever and in my bottom heart. You will be in my inner part of my heart, no one will come to there, only we two have been there. I will reserve that place for you, and put all the good memories that we had.
I still remember that you asked me: why do I love you so much? I don't know exactly the answer now. Maybe it is because you are my first love. Thanks for giving the love and letting me to love you with a pure heart. It is really a good memory. Hope we can all reserve this memories inside our heart and make it holy.
I have too much words to say about us; but I think it is time to stop. I will make you a position in my heart. You are my first love. Thank you! Sorry, I forgot you! Wish you all the best! God bless you!
2011/03/05
Pursue the initial passion
Don't know from what time, people begin to complain their initial dream is gone and they have to struggle hard for the life. I think all people have their own dream in their childhood. Some may want to be a scientist, some may want to be an artist, some may want to be a ordinary people. But with time goes on, because the reality of life, young people are sometimes frustrated because they found out that the initial dream is leaving day by day. They begin to lose the passion for the initial dream, some even struggle to battle hard for the life. I am one of them.
Think about my initial dream. From very young, I always have a belief that one day computer can have the intelligence as human being. With this dream in my heart, I start my journey at CMU, the top university in computer science, especially in Artificial Intelligence. I thought I can find answer here; I thought I can solve the fundamental problem in this field; I thought I can make breakthrough in this field. But the reality told me that it is not true. It is much much more hard than I think it should be.
Now I choose the filed of Computer Vision, a subfield of Artificial Intelligence. There are many improvements over this field in last few decades, but I don't think the computer even have the same ability as baby. There are many fundamental problems not been solved. These two years, I have done many projects, trying to make things work. I can sense some achievement from the process, but it definitely cannot satisfy me. I know exactly my initial dream, and I was full of passion and hope for that. But with time goes on, with more research I have done, I began to doubt my ability and the future of Artificial Intelligence. I doubt I can have the ability to make changes to this field. A lot of time, I am trapped into the same value system and same approach as what most people is doing. And gradually, I forget my initial dream, I think the dream is so unrealistic.
Now, I am going to begin my PhD life. Why do I choose PhD? Do I just want to have a PhD degree? Or do I want to make some fundamental breakthrough? Or I just want to have many many papers? What is my goal for the five or more years PhD life? What is my initial dream that urges me to come to U.S.? Do I just give it up? Or do I have to insist on it no matter what the results will be?
Life is really difficult and always so realistic that makes people wander away from their initial plan. Life and time will make people lose their own seeking, and make people live the life according to what most people live. And now, I still have some little passion for my initial dream, that is making the computer have the same intelligence as human being, especially for computer vision part. I know my goal exactly, but I understand: no pain, no gain! If I only have dream, that is unrealistic; I have to pay price for it, and work hard for it, otherwise, it will just become another tragedy.
Faith can help here. Just a pure heart, believing the good things. And now I am a Christian, maybe I should not just do things according to my own will, but according to God's will. I don't know what is God's will for my life. I should pray more and know His will better. Because I don't want myself to follow the same way as before, doing things just according to my own will.
Proverbs 4:23
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
Old boy
Think about my initial dream. From very young, I always have a belief that one day computer can have the intelligence as human being. With this dream in my heart, I start my journey at CMU, the top university in computer science, especially in Artificial Intelligence. I thought I can find answer here; I thought I can solve the fundamental problem in this field; I thought I can make breakthrough in this field. But the reality told me that it is not true. It is much much more hard than I think it should be.
Now I choose the filed of Computer Vision, a subfield of Artificial Intelligence. There are many improvements over this field in last few decades, but I don't think the computer even have the same ability as baby. There are many fundamental problems not been solved. These two years, I have done many projects, trying to make things work. I can sense some achievement from the process, but it definitely cannot satisfy me. I know exactly my initial dream, and I was full of passion and hope for that. But with time goes on, with more research I have done, I began to doubt my ability and the future of Artificial Intelligence. I doubt I can have the ability to make changes to this field. A lot of time, I am trapped into the same value system and same approach as what most people is doing. And gradually, I forget my initial dream, I think the dream is so unrealistic.
Now, I am going to begin my PhD life. Why do I choose PhD? Do I just want to have a PhD degree? Or do I want to make some fundamental breakthrough? Or I just want to have many many papers? What is my goal for the five or more years PhD life? What is my initial dream that urges me to come to U.S.? Do I just give it up? Or do I have to insist on it no matter what the results will be?
Life is really difficult and always so realistic that makes people wander away from their initial plan. Life and time will make people lose their own seeking, and make people live the life according to what most people live. And now, I still have some little passion for my initial dream, that is making the computer have the same intelligence as human being, especially for computer vision part. I know my goal exactly, but I understand: no pain, no gain! If I only have dream, that is unrealistic; I have to pay price for it, and work hard for it, otherwise, it will just become another tragedy.
Faith can help here. Just a pure heart, believing the good things. And now I am a Christian, maybe I should not just do things according to my own will, but according to God's will. I don't know what is God's will for my life. I should pray more and know His will better. Because I don't want myself to follow the same way as before, doing things just according to my own will.
Proverbs 4:23
"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
Old boy
I don't care anything
I don't know from what time, I start caring nothing. When people are talking about their future goal, or talking about how to control time better, or how to find a beautiful girlfriend, all of them seem nothing to me. To me, I feel like I only have to do my best for God, then that is. I don't know whether this is a good sign or not. I also start speaking less, because when people speak, I think they are all meaningless, just as the way I speak. Because the more I speak, the more stupid I am. Now I prefer to be a good listener. I don't know whether this good or not.
The scripture says that the Holy spirit will fill your heart and make you care nothing about the worldly thing, the wisdom from Solomon said that we cannot talk like a babbler, but I am not sure I am filled with the holy spirit, or am losing my passion for life.
Anyway, it is a good morning, and it is quite. I can hear the sound of the bird; I can write down these words; I can have a wonderful new day. Thanks God for giving me all of these. Even though I don't know you, even though I don't want to love you; but you love me first, how could I resist your love? Guide my heart more than anything else, Lord!
The scripture says that the Holy spirit will fill your heart and make you care nothing about the worldly thing, the wisdom from Solomon said that we cannot talk like a babbler, but I am not sure I am filled with the holy spirit, or am losing my passion for life.
Anyway, it is a good morning, and it is quite. I can hear the sound of the bird; I can write down these words; I can have a wonderful new day. Thanks God for giving me all of these. Even though I don't know you, even though I don't want to love you; but you love me first, how could I resist your love? Guide my heart more than anything else, Lord!
2011/03/04
Why am I not happy?
Tonight, we had the fellowship with brothers and sisters. People are all full of joy, and talked a lot, some is about their current progress on work and study, some is about their struggle and their trouble. But I don't know what happens to me, I am not so in the group, I feel I am out of this group, I can not so fill in and enjoy it as I always was. When people are talking about their study, their opinion about things, and their understanding, their argument, all of which are meaningless to me. I don't know whether this is the thought from God or from my arrogant stumble heart. It looks like I have lost passion for Christ. I have experienced all things going on in the Church, I have so many doubts currently, I don't have many support and love from other people; although I should not have these thoughts, I should seek all this from Christ. But somehow, my heart becomes cold, and becomes unhappy. I don't know why.
Also, I preached the Gospel to one people tonight at the cell group, but many questions from him make my wandering mind wander even more. When I talked with him, I don't even know what I am talking about. Many of his questions are the same as mine, which I thought I have the answer to them, but I still cannot answer them. I know the faith is not depending on how much knowledge you know.
After the fellowship, when we pray, I don't know how to pray to God. And then I listened to many people's happy talking, I did not want to fit into them as usual. I just want to stay quite for some time. I can sense it is the challenge for my faith. The only thing that I can use is the scripture. And I just randomly pick up one scripture which is Romans 8:26-27. That strikes me, because it describes exactly what I was being through during these days. When I pray, I don't know how to pray to God, when I read the scripture, I do not have a pure heart to seek the Truth. But the scripture just said the Holy Spirit will intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. God! This is your words for me! You want to make me assure that you are faithful, but I am faithless; you are the truth, but I am the wicked; you are the saviour, I am the dead person.
Anyway, I don't know what is going on in my mind, and my note is mindless too. I just don't want talk too much tonight. Just want to be quite, and spend some quite time with God, and with His words and the truth. Father, Let my old self go!
Also, I preached the Gospel to one people tonight at the cell group, but many questions from him make my wandering mind wander even more. When I talked with him, I don't even know what I am talking about. Many of his questions are the same as mine, which I thought I have the answer to them, but I still cannot answer them. I know the faith is not depending on how much knowledge you know.
After the fellowship, when we pray, I don't know how to pray to God. And then I listened to many people's happy talking, I did not want to fit into them as usual. I just want to stay quite for some time. I can sense it is the challenge for my faith. The only thing that I can use is the scripture. And I just randomly pick up one scripture which is Romans 8:26-27. That strikes me, because it describes exactly what I was being through during these days. When I pray, I don't know how to pray to God, when I read the scripture, I do not have a pure heart to seek the Truth. But the scripture just said the Holy Spirit will intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. God! This is your words for me! You want to make me assure that you are faithful, but I am faithless; you are the truth, but I am the wicked; you are the saviour, I am the dead person.
Anyway, I don't know what is going on in my mind, and my note is mindless too. I just don't want talk too much tonight. Just want to be quite, and spend some quite time with God, and with His words and the truth. Father, Let my old self go!
2011/02/28
Above all else, guard my heart
Proverbs 4:23
"Above all else, guard my heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
This is exactly true. Currently, I have been through very tough time, being tested by Satan! There are many reasons for it: One main cause is because recently I was so busy doing my work making me forget reading the Words and pray; the other is because I watched some BBC series of videos which shows that Jesus is some guy who wanted to challenge the Jew's law and religion to reform something. And because my old self has much doubts before about the divinity of Christ, the video just make my old self arouse again.
There are really many temptation outside the world. Think that you are living in a world whose value system is all about money, status, and self-goodness, how could we place God in our heart? We are just filled with so many information which make us blind to what is the truth. But every time I been trapped, I went back the scripture, its power just strike me again and again. It is not like what the world teaches us. The world just has so many misunderstanding or partial understanding for the Bible. For example, the BBC series of videos say that Jesus is some political guy and listed many hypothesis to support this idea. It may look reasonable if you don't have any idea about what the Bible has said. But look what the Bible said, what the disciple wrote about Jesus, what the pharisee said to Jesus, what Jesus taught to the people and his disciples. He is telling the truth. Think about another way. All Jews should at least believe God. If Jesus is not Son of God, and he proclaim to be Son of God. Wouldn't he be afraid to be cast into hell after he died? Even if Jesus tried to lie to people, why should he die? Then he gains nothing from it! Is there any people on the earth who will do that? Besides, not only Jesus, even his many disciples died for the truth, but they just ran away when Jesus is died.
There should be many many evidence to be listed to against such idea, but apparently I can easily be led astray by the worldly thinking and worthy system. My faith will be challenged from time to time. But the truth can stand with testing.
Currently, I am still struggling with the final few hours for the deadline for ICCV. But I am afraid anymore, because I know God is with me! God gives me wisdom! Not the wisdom from the world, but the wisdom to know Christ! The wisdom of Cross!
"Above all else, guard my heart, for it is the wellspring of life."
This is exactly true. Currently, I have been through very tough time, being tested by Satan! There are many reasons for it: One main cause is because recently I was so busy doing my work making me forget reading the Words and pray; the other is because I watched some BBC series of videos which shows that Jesus is some guy who wanted to challenge the Jew's law and religion to reform something. And because my old self has much doubts before about the divinity of Christ, the video just make my old self arouse again.
There are really many temptation outside the world. Think that you are living in a world whose value system is all about money, status, and self-goodness, how could we place God in our heart? We are just filled with so many information which make us blind to what is the truth. But every time I been trapped, I went back the scripture, its power just strike me again and again. It is not like what the world teaches us. The world just has so many misunderstanding or partial understanding for the Bible. For example, the BBC series of videos say that Jesus is some political guy and listed many hypothesis to support this idea. It may look reasonable if you don't have any idea about what the Bible has said. But look what the Bible said, what the disciple wrote about Jesus, what the pharisee said to Jesus, what Jesus taught to the people and his disciples. He is telling the truth. Think about another way. All Jews should at least believe God. If Jesus is not Son of God, and he proclaim to be Son of God. Wouldn't he be afraid to be cast into hell after he died? Even if Jesus tried to lie to people, why should he die? Then he gains nothing from it! Is there any people on the earth who will do that? Besides, not only Jesus, even his many disciples died for the truth, but they just ran away when Jesus is died.
There should be many many evidence to be listed to against such idea, but apparently I can easily be led astray by the worldly thinking and worthy system. My faith will be challenged from time to time. But the truth can stand with testing.
Currently, I am still struggling with the final few hours for the deadline for ICCV. But I am afraid anymore, because I know God is with me! God gives me wisdom! Not the wisdom from the world, but the wisdom to know Christ! The wisdom of Cross!
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.
2011/02/25
Am my ear dull?
Isaiah 6:9
He said, "Go and tell this people:
"'Be ever hearing, but never understanding;
be ever seeing, but never perceiving.'
Make the heart of this people calloused;
make their ears dull
and close their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed."
This afternoon, I should focus on finishing works that I have to finish, but I spend almost the whole afternoon watching Buddhism and some BBC channel videos about the history about Jesus. And my heart is not peaceful again. There are two reasons affecting this:
1. The videos about Buddhism. Somehow I can sense the teaching in the video is wrong because I know the truth from the Bible. But, outwardly speaking, it is very similar to the preach in the church. After I watch those videos, somehow I was confused what is the truth. Jesus said he is the truth, he is the way. But Buddhism also says that Buddhism is the truth. I don't know when I became so religious. Although the pastor always said that believing in God is not believing religion, I am definitely just believe a religion now. Satan speaks again in my ear and in my heart, and wants to lead astray of my way. Leave me, Satan! In Jesus name!
2. The other things are the BBC channel videos about Jesus. They describe the historical and many other facts about the early life about Jesus, and link Jesus's life with politics, religious, which is definitely against with what I have been taught in the church. In the series of video, they want to show the scientific aspects about the life about Jesus, and use many hypothesis and evidence to disapprove the deity of Jesus. They definitely know many things about bible, but it seems like they only pick part of the verses from the bible to explain things. If Jesus did all he had done not because He is son of God, then how pity we are as a Christian?
I am of little faith now again. I went to my room to pray to God to show me the truth and help me to regain faith. But I know Satan constantly uses the scientific thinking to rebuke my faith, to defeat me. God, I believe you are the truth of my life, and Jesus is not a plot or lie. Father, show me the truth.
I want to seek the truth. What is the truth in the world? How can I purify my body and my mind? I know I cannot do it by myself, but God can finish all these things. God, I am of little faith now. I pray for the faith! I pray that you do not let me go! I pray that I can be more like Jesus Christ!
He said, "Go and tell this people:
"'Be ever hearing, but never understanding;
be ever seeing, but never perceiving.'
Make the heart of this people calloused;
make their ears dull
and close their eyes.
Otherwise they might see with their eyes,
hear with their ears,
understand with their hearts,
and turn and be healed."
This afternoon, I should focus on finishing works that I have to finish, but I spend almost the whole afternoon watching Buddhism and some BBC channel videos about the history about Jesus. And my heart is not peaceful again. There are two reasons affecting this:
1. The videos about Buddhism. Somehow I can sense the teaching in the video is wrong because I know the truth from the Bible. But, outwardly speaking, it is very similar to the preach in the church. After I watch those videos, somehow I was confused what is the truth. Jesus said he is the truth, he is the way. But Buddhism also says that Buddhism is the truth. I don't know when I became so religious. Although the pastor always said that believing in God is not believing religion, I am definitely just believe a religion now. Satan speaks again in my ear and in my heart, and wants to lead astray of my way. Leave me, Satan! In Jesus name!
2. The other things are the BBC channel videos about Jesus. They describe the historical and many other facts about the early life about Jesus, and link Jesus's life with politics, religious, which is definitely against with what I have been taught in the church. In the series of video, they want to show the scientific aspects about the life about Jesus, and use many hypothesis and evidence to disapprove the deity of Jesus. They definitely know many things about bible, but it seems like they only pick part of the verses from the bible to explain things. If Jesus did all he had done not because He is son of God, then how pity we are as a Christian?
I am of little faith now again. I went to my room to pray to God to show me the truth and help me to regain faith. But I know Satan constantly uses the scientific thinking to rebuke my faith, to defeat me. God, I believe you are the truth of my life, and Jesus is not a plot or lie. Father, show me the truth.
I want to seek the truth. What is the truth in the world? How can I purify my body and my mind? I know I cannot do it by myself, but God can finish all these things. God, I am of little faith now. I pray for the faith! I pray that you do not let me go! I pray that I can be more like Jesus Christ!
2011/02/18
Be Obedient
Dear Heavenly Father,
Do you really exist? Are you just something created in human being's mind? If this world comes from randomness, and comes to nothing at the end, why do we live on this earth? Why do you create us? Where are we from? Why are we living?
Every time I want to deny you, but when I think all of these problems, I can see that you are laughing. But father, you did not abandon us, you are always with us. You choose the Israelites as your people first; then you send your son to all the human being. If all of this is not true and just a lie, then we are the tragic ones because we believe in vain. Just as apostle paul said, if Jesus Christ is not true, then our belief is in vain. Father, I believe you exist and all these things are true. But I should admit that sometimes I still doubt, I come to question you, but I cannot deny you, deny the truth and things happen around me which shows that you really exist!
Father, today we have learnt one message from John 5:19-30 where Jesus Christ shows His identity and His submission to you, my heavenly father! Today, I gave a hug to the homeless people just outside of Giant Eagle, at that moment, God, you bring me close to them, with nothing between us. We know that the love is within us!
I always thought, what is the most valuable things in the world? Why do we spend all our effort and time everyday? The ultimate answer is Love! And Love is you, Jesus Christ and God! If there is no love, in other words, no God, what is the meaning of all our effort? Everything is in vain, everything will be meaningless!
Father, you are love! You are the truth! Please Let me know and see this clearly! Without you, we are nothing, we are in vain! Father, give me more faith when I am of little faith! Give me a heart to love other people, especially the low people! Please give me a humble heart! Please let me be obedient to your commandments! No matter what you did in my life, and what you plan is for me, I believe it is the best for me!
Father, I trust you! I believe you! The Bible is the words that you said to our human being! You are the creator of everything and everybody! Father! I love you! Hope your love be with all of us! Wish your kingdom can come soon!
Amen,
Your son and slave,
Wei
Do you really exist? Are you just something created in human being's mind? If this world comes from randomness, and comes to nothing at the end, why do we live on this earth? Why do you create us? Where are we from? Why are we living?
Every time I want to deny you, but when I think all of these problems, I can see that you are laughing. But father, you did not abandon us, you are always with us. You choose the Israelites as your people first; then you send your son to all the human being. If all of this is not true and just a lie, then we are the tragic ones because we believe in vain. Just as apostle paul said, if Jesus Christ is not true, then our belief is in vain. Father, I believe you exist and all these things are true. But I should admit that sometimes I still doubt, I come to question you, but I cannot deny you, deny the truth and things happen around me which shows that you really exist!
Father, today we have learnt one message from John 5:19-30 where Jesus Christ shows His identity and His submission to you, my heavenly father! Today, I gave a hug to the homeless people just outside of Giant Eagle, at that moment, God, you bring me close to them, with nothing between us. We know that the love is within us!
I always thought, what is the most valuable things in the world? Why do we spend all our effort and time everyday? The ultimate answer is Love! And Love is you, Jesus Christ and God! If there is no love, in other words, no God, what is the meaning of all our effort? Everything is in vain, everything will be meaningless!
Father, you are love! You are the truth! Please Let me know and see this clearly! Without you, we are nothing, we are in vain! Father, give me more faith when I am of little faith! Give me a heart to love other people, especially the low people! Please give me a humble heart! Please let me be obedient to your commandments! No matter what you did in my life, and what you plan is for me, I believe it is the best for me!
Father, I trust you! I believe you! The Bible is the words that you said to our human being! You are the creator of everything and everybody! Father! I love you! Hope your love be with all of us! Wish your kingdom can come soon!
Amen,
Your son and slave,
Wei
2011/02/09
It is time to read
Tonight, I spent a few hours reading dahua's blog again. I have learned a lot from him, and get inspired a lot. I can see how he consistently believes what he believes, and do what he thinks is good. He is a real scholar, and a life lover. But still pray that he can also know God some day.
I, and many others, always complain that the research is garbage. But the reason we say this is because we are producing garbage. But dahua really shows his passion for doing research, and his continuous effort on the road. I should learn more from him, and change my attitude toward the research. And I have a strong desire to read the book listed in his blog to build up the foundation for my future research. Hope this time, for the seek of God, I can make it!
It is, in fact, very sad that I may be moved by his blog every time I read it. But after a few days without reading his blog, I will return to my own world, and continue doing in my own way and am proud of what I am doing. I was never changed!
Actually, it is the same for many many things except the research! A lot of time, we will changed by our environment around us and forget the initial good things. If we can keep our faith, and continue seeking the truth, we will be different. It is also the same for faith in Christ! Every time I read God's words, I feel really good and am impressed a lot by the words, but I cannot consistently keep it and maybe uniformed by the outside world for some period of time. If I, Liu Wei, believe something is good, I should consist in that, and work out that little by little, I am sure I will seek the truth one day!
At last, the other thing I can see is that everyone, even dahua, seeks love and relationship a lot, that is why there is a saying: if everything goes away, love will never leave! To me, love is God! I am loved by God! Forgive my sin, and give me totally free, and give me faith in you, and seek the truth and wisdom for my whole life! I am so happy to be child of God!
It is time to read God's words, and pray to him! God, come to renew my mind everyday, so I will not be astray from your truth and from your words!
Amen!
I, and many others, always complain that the research is garbage. But the reason we say this is because we are producing garbage. But dahua really shows his passion for doing research, and his continuous effort on the road. I should learn more from him, and change my attitude toward the research. And I have a strong desire to read the book listed in his blog to build up the foundation for my future research. Hope this time, for the seek of God, I can make it!
It is, in fact, very sad that I may be moved by his blog every time I read it. But after a few days without reading his blog, I will return to my own world, and continue doing in my own way and am proud of what I am doing. I was never changed!
Actually, it is the same for many many things except the research! A lot of time, we will changed by our environment around us and forget the initial good things. If we can keep our faith, and continue seeking the truth, we will be different. It is also the same for faith in Christ! Every time I read God's words, I feel really good and am impressed a lot by the words, but I cannot consistently keep it and maybe uniformed by the outside world for some period of time. If I, Liu Wei, believe something is good, I should consist in that, and work out that little by little, I am sure I will seek the truth one day!
At last, the other thing I can see is that everyone, even dahua, seeks love and relationship a lot, that is why there is a saying: if everything goes away, love will never leave! To me, love is God! I am loved by God! Forgive my sin, and give me totally free, and give me faith in you, and seek the truth and wisdom for my whole life! I am so happy to be child of God!
It is time to read God's words, and pray to him! God, come to renew my mind everyday, so I will not be astray from your truth and from your words!
Amen!
2011/02/08
The difference between Christian and Non-Christian
What is the difference between Christian and Non-Christian? I try to think about it currently and want to summarize it a little bit.
First, as a Christian, we all think that we are sinners. The more you know Christ, the more sinful you feel you are, but the more blessed you are because Christ's grace will be abundant for you. Some people may be strange about why do people think they are sinners. Are not the Christian like a nerd? I thought in this way before. I thought I was really a good guy. But the more I know Christ, the more I read the Holy Bible, the more sensitive I am to sin. Then what is the SIN? The biggest one is don't know God and disobey His commandments. That leads almost to all the sins for the whole human being. Because we don't obey God, we are all self-centered, we are jealous, we hate people, we complain other people, we commit adultery, we have many idols, etc. All these things lead us astray from God.
Second, it is not enough for us to know we are sinners, but we commit our sin to God. It does not mean Christian will be happy always, or will have good life, but on the other hand, Christian always suffer because of their faith. Also, Christian will also get pissed off when something bad happens, for example, someone broke your car, you will also be angry at first. Christians are just the saved sinners!!! We are of no difference in that sense. But because we know we are sinner, every time we cannot control ourselves, we sin; however, we commit our sin to God and to ask for God's forgiveness. And because God is full of love and justice, He may still charge us some bad results because of our sin, but we are still be loved by God because He loves us from the beginning to the end. To make it easy to understand, just like the situation with father and child. Every time the child has done some bad thing, the father will show his justice to his child to teach him, but he still love the child so much. Our heavenly father is similar to that, but His love is much much more than that, and He even kill His own son to show His justice and His love. And all His love, wisdom is in that!!!
Finally, we have the Holy Spirit inside us, who renew us everyday and make us be more Christ like. It maybe hard to understand what is Holy Spirit. It is some sort of scaring thing. But actually, according to the Bible, the Holy Spirit testifies the Father and the Son. And it has God's power in it to change people's heart, to let people see God, and to show miracles sometimes even. Because we have the Holy Spirit inside us, we are not just ourselves anymore, but God's spirit is with us. We cannot see it, we cannot touch it, we cannot smell it, but we can see the fruit of it, such as love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control. Just like the wind, we cannot see it, but we can see the result of it when it goes over some trees. Because we have that, we can see the true Christian will even joyful in their stressful time, they will cheer even in the sad time, because they know that is what God has prepared for them, and they have faith and hope that God's plan is the best.
That is basically some of my current thought on it. It may not be quite correct or precisely described, but sure it really makes us Christian to think seriously what we should be like. We are the saved sinners, but because of Christ's blood, we can be reborn again, and can be cleansed and purified through our whole life so that when we see God finally in the judgement day, we will be blameless and be full of joy! Actually, now we are in heaven be with God if you truly have the faith.
Father, praise be all to your name, let your will be done!
Amen
First, as a Christian, we all think that we are sinners. The more you know Christ, the more sinful you feel you are, but the more blessed you are because Christ's grace will be abundant for you. Some people may be strange about why do people think they are sinners. Are not the Christian like a nerd? I thought in this way before. I thought I was really a good guy. But the more I know Christ, the more I read the Holy Bible, the more sensitive I am to sin. Then what is the SIN? The biggest one is don't know God and disobey His commandments. That leads almost to all the sins for the whole human being. Because we don't obey God, we are all self-centered, we are jealous, we hate people, we complain other people, we commit adultery, we have many idols, etc. All these things lead us astray from God.
Second, it is not enough for us to know we are sinners, but we commit our sin to God. It does not mean Christian will be happy always, or will have good life, but on the other hand, Christian always suffer because of their faith. Also, Christian will also get pissed off when something bad happens, for example, someone broke your car, you will also be angry at first. Christians are just the saved sinners!!! We are of no difference in that sense. But because we know we are sinner, every time we cannot control ourselves, we sin; however, we commit our sin to God and to ask for God's forgiveness. And because God is full of love and justice, He may still charge us some bad results because of our sin, but we are still be loved by God because He loves us from the beginning to the end. To make it easy to understand, just like the situation with father and child. Every time the child has done some bad thing, the father will show his justice to his child to teach him, but he still love the child so much. Our heavenly father is similar to that, but His love is much much more than that, and He even kill His own son to show His justice and His love. And all His love, wisdom is in that!!!
Finally, we have the Holy Spirit inside us, who renew us everyday and make us be more Christ like. It maybe hard to understand what is Holy Spirit. It is some sort of scaring thing. But actually, according to the Bible, the Holy Spirit testifies the Father and the Son. And it has God's power in it to change people's heart, to let people see God, and to show miracles sometimes even. Because we have the Holy Spirit inside us, we are not just ourselves anymore, but God's spirit is with us. We cannot see it, we cannot touch it, we cannot smell it, but we can see the fruit of it, such as love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control. Just like the wind, we cannot see it, but we can see the result of it when it goes over some trees. Because we have that, we can see the true Christian will even joyful in their stressful time, they will cheer even in the sad time, because they know that is what God has prepared for them, and they have faith and hope that God's plan is the best.
That is basically some of my current thought on it. It may not be quite correct or precisely described, but sure it really makes us Christian to think seriously what we should be like. We are the saved sinners, but because of Christ's blood, we can be reborn again, and can be cleansed and purified through our whole life so that when we see God finally in the judgement day, we will be blameless and be full of joy! Actually, now we are in heaven be with God if you truly have the faith.
Father, praise be all to your name, let your will be done!
Amen
2011/01/27
The wisdom of God
Before I know Christ, I thought the Christians are stupid. I thought they are low people who need something to lean upon. But the more I come to know Christ, the more I realize the foolishness of God is true wisdom. The more I know Christ, the more I know myself.
I always thought I was clever, I was a good people, I was the center of the whole universe. All other people should do things which are good to me, otherwise, I will feel uncomfortable. I thought I was the God for myself. But God just use these two years, the most wonderful and colorful years to let me know that I am weak, I am stupid, I am too proud, I am a sinner. I always thank God for all He has done to me, I can clearly notice the guidance that God shows to me. Now my focus and my meaning of life are totally changed. I do not focus on my own self, I do not feel proud about myself, I do not sin much, I want to be like Christ at the end. I know sometimes, my old self still work in me and lead me astray from God. But I am free from sin, I am not bound to sin anymore, because Christ's blood has purge it totally! Thank you Lord!
What is the wisdom of God? God gives us freedom to choose to love Him! His wisdom is in the cross that is He killed His own son to save the people that He loves so much. In the eyes of God, all wisdom is meaningless compared to His infinite wisdom, all strength is weak. How could a man be proud of himself when he lives in such a beautiful world created by the Lord! God did not pick the one who is strong in the eyes of human being, but pick the weak one, the fool one to fool the wisdom of the world. That proves His wisdom is much more than this world's wisdom!
Praise be all to the Lord! For all He has done to us! For His ever-lasting love!
Corinthians 2:6-16
We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we speak of God's secrete wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. However, as it is written:
"No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him"
but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.
The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand then, because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any many's judgment:
"For who has known the mind of the Lord
that he may instruct him?"
But we have the mind of Christ.
I always thought I was clever, I was a good people, I was the center of the whole universe. All other people should do things which are good to me, otherwise, I will feel uncomfortable. I thought I was the God for myself. But God just use these two years, the most wonderful and colorful years to let me know that I am weak, I am stupid, I am too proud, I am a sinner. I always thank God for all He has done to me, I can clearly notice the guidance that God shows to me. Now my focus and my meaning of life are totally changed. I do not focus on my own self, I do not feel proud about myself, I do not sin much, I want to be like Christ at the end. I know sometimes, my old self still work in me and lead me astray from God. But I am free from sin, I am not bound to sin anymore, because Christ's blood has purge it totally! Thank you Lord!
What is the wisdom of God? God gives us freedom to choose to love Him! His wisdom is in the cross that is He killed His own son to save the people that He loves so much. In the eyes of God, all wisdom is meaningless compared to His infinite wisdom, all strength is weak. How could a man be proud of himself when he lives in such a beautiful world created by the Lord! God did not pick the one who is strong in the eyes of human being, but pick the weak one, the fool one to fool the wisdom of the world. That proves His wisdom is much more than this world's wisdom!
Praise be all to the Lord! For all He has done to us! For His ever-lasting love!
Corinthians 2:6-16
We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we speak of God's secrete wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began. None of the rulers of this age understood it, for if they had, they would not have crucified the Lord of glory. However, as it is written:
"No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him"
but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.
The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man's spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words. The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand then, because they are spiritually discerned. The spiritual man makes judgments about all things, but he himself is not subject to any many's judgment:
"For who has known the mind of the Lord
that he may instruct him?"
But we have the mind of Christ.
2011/01/19
Spend one less minutes on Facebook
We are the generation who do not drink or smoke. But we have another addiction: We like surf the Internet. Many of us, at least for me, can hardly live the life without the Internet. We rely too much on Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, etc. I am not saying that they are not good. Actually, it is those new things which make us know more about our friends, about things happened over the world. However, everything that is abused will always lead to a problem.
For example, I would like to spend several minutes on Facebook checking out friends' new status, seeing what pictures they take every couple minutes or hours to "relax". And I can even seat in front of the computer for a whole day, not even go out for a whole day. What will that bring to us? First of all, it is not healthy for our body. Second, you are not really relax when you surf the Internet. Finally, you may feel guilty wasting so many time everyday for those meaningless stuffs. (At least, this point is true for me)
So, my plan from now on is to get rid of that gradually. I know myself quite a lot that I cannot control myself well to get ride of something suddenly, but I have confidence that the holy spirit in me will purify me, and will renew my mind.
Here is the plan:
1. Spend one less minutes on Facebook, but spend one more minutes on the Scripture.
2. Stop watching porn, but going out to gym to work out.
3. Stop chatting randomly, but talk to the people face to face.
4. Stop watching TV shows or movies, but hang out with friends.
5. Start writing down something everyday.
6. Praise be all to the Lord.
At last, stop does not mean totally abandon, but means that we will not get addicted by those things, but spend more precious time doing other important and fun stuff.
I am pretty sure that with my own strength, I can do nothing to achieve those goals. But I believe that the holy spirit inside me will help me, and give me strength to achieve those goals. God give me strength to do that! Praise be all to Him!
For example, I would like to spend several minutes on Facebook checking out friends' new status, seeing what pictures they take every couple minutes or hours to "relax". And I can even seat in front of the computer for a whole day, not even go out for a whole day. What will that bring to us? First of all, it is not healthy for our body. Second, you are not really relax when you surf the Internet. Finally, you may feel guilty wasting so many time everyday for those meaningless stuffs. (At least, this point is true for me)
So, my plan from now on is to get rid of that gradually. I know myself quite a lot that I cannot control myself well to get ride of something suddenly, but I have confidence that the holy spirit in me will purify me, and will renew my mind.
Here is the plan:
1. Spend one less minutes on Facebook, but spend one more minutes on the Scripture.
2. Stop watching porn, but going out to gym to work out.
3. Stop chatting randomly, but talk to the people face to face.
4. Stop watching TV shows or movies, but hang out with friends.
5. Start writing down something everyday.
6. Praise be all to the Lord.
At last, stop does not mean totally abandon, but means that we will not get addicted by those things, but spend more precious time doing other important and fun stuff.
I am pretty sure that with my own strength, I can do nothing to achieve those goals. But I believe that the holy spirit inside me will help me, and give me strength to achieve those goals. God give me strength to do that! Praise be all to Him!
2011/01/18
Self Control
Dear Holy Father,
I am so sorry for not obeying your command! I do my research in my own way, trying to solve every problems by myself, and not praise you at all; I am not loving other people as myself, I show no passion and no love to those whom I don't love much; I waste my time wondering online for about one hour, watching YouTube videos, but I make an excuse not having time to read and meditate on your words; I cannot control my eyes and hearts, and watch dirty, bloody things online; I cannot focus on doing things, but spend time listening to music when doing my job; I did not do things efficiently; I am not diligent enough to do the work that you assign me to do.
Father I have so many stuff that are out of my control. I know your commands well, to some point, but I just cannot escape from my old-self. What should I do? Father! I repent for what I have done not well; I pray that you can help me to renew my mind everyday to focus only on your words and your truth, but not get addicted by other things. Father, I know I cannot achieve that, but I pray that you can let the holy spirit to guide my life and everything. I pray that you can let me win over my old-self.
Father, You creator of the whole universe. You are King of the kings. Why should I do all the things just in my own effort, but not relying on you. Father, please forgive me! Forgive my pride, forgive my sin, forgive my lazy, forgive my cold heart, forgive my stubborn. I am so so sorry for what I have done today. I pray that you can forgive what I am doing today. And please let me submit more to your sovereign, and not rage against you! Father, please teach me, please splash me, please don't let me go! I am so sorry.
You said, "Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control." If I have no idea what is right and wrong; if I continue seeking something that is wrong; if I gave credit still to myself; if I do not love other people as myself; who am I? Am I not still a unbeliever?
You said, "If I declare with my mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in my heart that God raised him from the dead, I will be saved. For it is with my heart that I believe and are justified, and it is with my mouth that I profess my faith and are saved." Father, what is belief? It is relatively easy to believe in the mouth, but how about believe in my heart? Do I really believe in my heart? If I do, I will hate unrighteousness, I will not still rage against the Lord, I will not do everything still in my own way. Father, please let the holy spirit give me the power to reign over Satan, please keep me away from Satan's seduce, please help me understand your words more and meditate more.
Father, you glorious one in the heaven. Please lift me up spiritually from the sinful world, please help me to know your truth and your kingdom. Father, I am such a small people, my wisdom and strength are nothing in the eyes of you. Please help me to be humble, please let me to be awake of the sin. Father, you are the power one! Because of your grace, I have win over the sin. I don't have to fall into the sin again. Please continue sanctifying me, and make me purify, so that I will not be ashame in front of you in the judgement day.
Father, glories be all to you! I am happy because of you! I am satisfied because of you! I am not alone because of you! I am strong because of you! I am wise because of you! But all these glories be all to my heavenly father! You are my Lord, you are my everything! Father, please take my body to you, please take my whole life to your hand, please lead me in the right way in my life.
Father, thank you for listening to my prayer, and thank you for saving me. Please help me to win over my weakness, please!!!
In Jesus, I pray!
I am so sorry for not obeying your command! I do my research in my own way, trying to solve every problems by myself, and not praise you at all; I am not loving other people as myself, I show no passion and no love to those whom I don't love much; I waste my time wondering online for about one hour, watching YouTube videos, but I make an excuse not having time to read and meditate on your words; I cannot control my eyes and hearts, and watch dirty, bloody things online; I cannot focus on doing things, but spend time listening to music when doing my job; I did not do things efficiently; I am not diligent enough to do the work that you assign me to do.
Father I have so many stuff that are out of my control. I know your commands well, to some point, but I just cannot escape from my old-self. What should I do? Father! I repent for what I have done not well; I pray that you can help me to renew my mind everyday to focus only on your words and your truth, but not get addicted by other things. Father, I know I cannot achieve that, but I pray that you can let the holy spirit to guide my life and everything. I pray that you can let me win over my old-self.
Father, You creator of the whole universe. You are King of the kings. Why should I do all the things just in my own effort, but not relying on you. Father, please forgive me! Forgive my pride, forgive my sin, forgive my lazy, forgive my cold heart, forgive my stubborn. I am so so sorry for what I have done today. I pray that you can forgive what I am doing today. And please let me submit more to your sovereign, and not rage against you! Father, please teach me, please splash me, please don't let me go! I am so sorry.
You said, "Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control." If I have no idea what is right and wrong; if I continue seeking something that is wrong; if I gave credit still to myself; if I do not love other people as myself; who am I? Am I not still a unbeliever?
You said, "If I declare with my mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in my heart that God raised him from the dead, I will be saved. For it is with my heart that I believe and are justified, and it is with my mouth that I profess my faith and are saved." Father, what is belief? It is relatively easy to believe in the mouth, but how about believe in my heart? Do I really believe in my heart? If I do, I will hate unrighteousness, I will not still rage against the Lord, I will not do everything still in my own way. Father, please let the holy spirit give me the power to reign over Satan, please keep me away from Satan's seduce, please help me understand your words more and meditate more.
Father, you glorious one in the heaven. Please lift me up spiritually from the sinful world, please help me to know your truth and your kingdom. Father, I am such a small people, my wisdom and strength are nothing in the eyes of you. Please help me to be humble, please let me to be awake of the sin. Father, you are the power one! Because of your grace, I have win over the sin. I don't have to fall into the sin again. Please continue sanctifying me, and make me purify, so that I will not be ashame in front of you in the judgement day.
Father, glories be all to you! I am happy because of you! I am satisfied because of you! I am not alone because of you! I am strong because of you! I am wise because of you! But all these glories be all to my heavenly father! You are my Lord, you are my everything! Father, please take my body to you, please take my whole life to your hand, please lead me in the right way in my life.
Father, thank you for listening to my prayer, and thank you for saving me. Please help me to win over my weakness, please!!!
In Jesus, I pray!
2011/01/06
The new born baby
Luke 11:9-10
"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; ho who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
I always thank God for saving me when I was still a sinner. He draw me to Him. He places many questions in my heart and let me to seek Him!
I still remember at the very beginning, I have a lot of questions. In fact, sometimes I asked the question only for the sake of question. But these questions keep me continue seeking Him, and He answered my questions from many aspects. And all because of Holy Spirit, it changes my heart, it lets me know that I am a sinner, it lets me know that I am not God, it lets me know my weakness. I thank God so much for giving me so many lessons.
I was baptized at Aug. 1st, 2010. But at that time, I did not realize the new birth inside me. And I sinned again and again even after I was baptized, which makes me doubt a lot about what bible has said. But I am sure that through almost half year, I have seen how God changes me, how God uses many people, things around me to help me. I think I have to share two things, two things (sins) that makes me feel really really bad everyday, which hinder my growth of faith.
One is pornography. I admit that I was really be habit with the porn. When I was back in China, it is common for a college students to watch porn. And if you have never watched, people may laugh at you. So it is very normal to me! Although I know maybe it is not good for health, but I just do not take that too seriously! But ever since I get to know Bible. In Matthew 5:28, Jesus said: "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." OMG, what does that mean? Who is Jesus? No man cannot sin! Regardless of whether it is permitted to watch porn from Bible. To me, I know God does not like me to do that. But even after I was baptized, I still cannot get out of that habit. I asked some people, and they gave me a lot of suggestions, such as pray, read scripture, escape, etc. I have tried all of those, but I cannot get rid of it. I just cannot get rid of it, no matter what effort I had made! But today (01/06/2011), I haven't been distracted or drawn by porn for two days, which is a big improvement for me. (I should be shame to say this...) Because after I have spent 2 hours on preparing the bible study (John 3:1-10), I start to realize that I am cleaned by the Holy Spirit because of God's mercy. I just cannot sin! My body is God's temple! Although it looks nothing have changed a lot. You just have not been distracted by porn for two days. But it means a lot to me, because I can clearly sense something is different in my heart. I really realize the holy of my body, and I have to be obedient to God's command. And I am clearly know that this power is from God. Because God give me a lot of chance to get rid of that bad habit by myself through many ways, but I just eliminate that desire. God is awesome! He breaks me down, but he also builds me up! Praise be all to God!
Another thing is that I cannot really be disciplined! Almost all the time, I cannot focus on things very well, and I cannot arrange my time well too. I will easily be distracted by many different things, which makes me not finish the work by time. I was always sad about myself. How could I do to make me more disciplined? How could I finish my work on time so that I don't have to work very late and get up very late? I don't know whether you have that feeling or not? It just feels not so good! And I cannot be really happy and peaceful. But amazingly, I see how I focus on Bible study today. And I can also sense the discipled way of doing things for me currently! I have sense it from my heart. I know it is true this time. I will be discipled well, and will not be worried about my work. And I will be so happy! But God is also funny. He gave me a lot of chance to fix the problem by myself. I also have tried many ways, I asked many people. But I cannot figure it out! I just cannot figure it out! But with God's salvation, I have faith that I have already overcome this problem too.
I was born for already about half year, but I start to get to know the true meaning of faith. I start to know somehow how to get use of the power of the Holy Spirit. Thank you Lord for giving me the Holy Spirit freely, even though I was of little faith back then.
I don't know whether I will watch porn again in future. Properly will! Will I mess up my schedule again? Properly will! But I am sure of one point: I am now free man! I am not bonded by sin any more! All because our savior, our Lord, our awesome God! Praise be all to you! Father!
"So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; ho who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened."
I always thank God for saving me when I was still a sinner. He draw me to Him. He places many questions in my heart and let me to seek Him!
I still remember at the very beginning, I have a lot of questions. In fact, sometimes I asked the question only for the sake of question. But these questions keep me continue seeking Him, and He answered my questions from many aspects. And all because of Holy Spirit, it changes my heart, it lets me know that I am a sinner, it lets me know that I am not God, it lets me know my weakness. I thank God so much for giving me so many lessons.
I was baptized at Aug. 1st, 2010. But at that time, I did not realize the new birth inside me. And I sinned again and again even after I was baptized, which makes me doubt a lot about what bible has said. But I am sure that through almost half year, I have seen how God changes me, how God uses many people, things around me to help me. I think I have to share two things, two things (sins) that makes me feel really really bad everyday, which hinder my growth of faith.
One is pornography. I admit that I was really be habit with the porn. When I was back in China, it is common for a college students to watch porn. And if you have never watched, people may laugh at you. So it is very normal to me! Although I know maybe it is not good for health, but I just do not take that too seriously! But ever since I get to know Bible. In Matthew 5:28, Jesus said: "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." OMG, what does that mean? Who is Jesus? No man cannot sin! Regardless of whether it is permitted to watch porn from Bible. To me, I know God does not like me to do that. But even after I was baptized, I still cannot get out of that habit. I asked some people, and they gave me a lot of suggestions, such as pray, read scripture, escape, etc. I have tried all of those, but I cannot get rid of it. I just cannot get rid of it, no matter what effort I had made! But today (01/06/2011), I haven't been distracted or drawn by porn for two days, which is a big improvement for me. (I should be shame to say this...) Because after I have spent 2 hours on preparing the bible study (John 3:1-10), I start to realize that I am cleaned by the Holy Spirit because of God's mercy. I just cannot sin! My body is God's temple! Although it looks nothing have changed a lot. You just have not been distracted by porn for two days. But it means a lot to me, because I can clearly sense something is different in my heart. I really realize the holy of my body, and I have to be obedient to God's command. And I am clearly know that this power is from God. Because God give me a lot of chance to get rid of that bad habit by myself through many ways, but I just eliminate that desire. God is awesome! He breaks me down, but he also builds me up! Praise be all to God!
Another thing is that I cannot really be disciplined! Almost all the time, I cannot focus on things very well, and I cannot arrange my time well too. I will easily be distracted by many different things, which makes me not finish the work by time. I was always sad about myself. How could I do to make me more disciplined? How could I finish my work on time so that I don't have to work very late and get up very late? I don't know whether you have that feeling or not? It just feels not so good! And I cannot be really happy and peaceful. But amazingly, I see how I focus on Bible study today. And I can also sense the discipled way of doing things for me currently! I have sense it from my heart. I know it is true this time. I will be discipled well, and will not be worried about my work. And I will be so happy! But God is also funny. He gave me a lot of chance to fix the problem by myself. I also have tried many ways, I asked many people. But I cannot figure it out! I just cannot figure it out! But with God's salvation, I have faith that I have already overcome this problem too.
I was born for already about half year, but I start to get to know the true meaning of faith. I start to know somehow how to get use of the power of the Holy Spirit. Thank you Lord for giving me the Holy Spirit freely, even though I was of little faith back then.
I don't know whether I will watch porn again in future. Properly will! Will I mess up my schedule again? Properly will! But I am sure of one point: I am now free man! I am not bonded by sin any more! All because our savior, our Lord, our awesome God! Praise be all to you! Father!
2011/01/03
Wisdom of the God
Corinthians 1:19
For it is written:
"I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of intelligent I will frustrate."
What is the wisdom of the world? Before I know God, I think my life goal is to search the mysteries of the human brain, and want to re-engineer the mechanism into computer and make the computer with the wisdom of human being, so that I can have fame, wealth, and I can be "successful"! However, after some research I have done and some experience I had, I really realize that we human beings are really nothing compared to God. For example, it is hard for computer to really understand the underlying meaning of an image, which seems very nature and easy for our human being and even for animals. If we believe that computer is the effort of many generation of human being, how could we believe that our human being is from randomness, is from evolution? It just make no sense to me to believe that. And a lot of time, I can feel that science sometimes has some trick inside it, where they do not tell you the whole story. However, I am not saying we should not trust science, or continue doing research. I want to emphasize that we human being are really nothing compared to God. God create all the things in the universe, and we, as His children, play in the world, just like the baby is playing with the toys from his dad.
To me, free will is the biggest gift God gives to us. We may have some questions, for example, if God is almighty, why not show some miracles to us to make us believe Him? Why not force us to all believe Him? Why not save us directly? However, true love never enslave! We now can only design robots with precise commands, but God design us by giving us free will to choose to believe Him or not. That is the biggest wisdom of God, that is the greatness of God. Every time I think of this point, I will bow down my knee under His throne. All because He truly loves us, he gives us free will to choose to love Him. And He loves us so much, He send His only son Jesus Christ to die for us on the cross. How great this love is! Is there any other love among our human being is like this? No! Definitely not!
Then why God create us? Why does he want us to suffer, but He loves us so much? What is the meaning of my life in the world? I have tried to search for the meaning of my life. Some people's answer is the meaning of life is to enjoy the life, enjoy the relationship with other people; others' answer is to work hard to achieve your dream; etc. But my own answer is that we have no meaning from our own perspective. What is all the meaning for all you have done in the world? Even if you have gain fame, money, status, love, children, what does that matter to you? You will die finally like all the human beings, except Jesus Christ. Maybe it is not good for us to ask the meaning of our life. How could a cell phone ask what is the meaning of himself? The meaning of our life is dependent on God, the creator! All we have to do is to follow His will, and live a life according to His special plan on you! Maybe He wants you to be a scientist to explore the mysteries of the world, maybe He wants you to be a cleaner. But no matter what He asks you to do, it is good for your own sake. We can glorify Him in many ways!
But, I should also say that the wisdom of God is not accepted by the world. People in the world will laugh at the believers, because they lack the spirit of God. And only God's spirit can understand God's wisdom. I laugh at God's words before I have the spirit of Him. I always thank God for giving me the free gift of His own spirit so that I can understand His words, and not be stumble. God's wisdom is really far far far more than human's wisdom.
Then what is God's wisdom? Just as paul said in Corinthians 2:2 "For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified." That is the whole meaning of the wisdom of God. The wisdom is not about some high-tech, or some advanced art, it is about Jesus Christ's crucification, it is about God's love for us! And what should us do? Just as Mark 12:30-31 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." What should I say? If we can really achieve these two commands, we can be loved by God, we can be purified totally. This two commands contain all the wisdom of God.
Corinthians 3:16
"For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?"
But we have the mind of Christ.
Praise be all to our almighty God for giving me your spirit to understand your wisdom! Please purify me using your spirit and your words! Please let me leave the sins I have! Please kill my old self and let the new one dominates! Please give your spirit to those who seek for you! Amen!
For it is written:
"I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of intelligent I will frustrate."
What is the wisdom of the world? Before I know God, I think my life goal is to search the mysteries of the human brain, and want to re-engineer the mechanism into computer and make the computer with the wisdom of human being, so that I can have fame, wealth, and I can be "successful"! However, after some research I have done and some experience I had, I really realize that we human beings are really nothing compared to God. For example, it is hard for computer to really understand the underlying meaning of an image, which seems very nature and easy for our human being and even for animals. If we believe that computer is the effort of many generation of human being, how could we believe that our human being is from randomness, is from evolution? It just make no sense to me to believe that. And a lot of time, I can feel that science sometimes has some trick inside it, where they do not tell you the whole story. However, I am not saying we should not trust science, or continue doing research. I want to emphasize that we human being are really nothing compared to God. God create all the things in the universe, and we, as His children, play in the world, just like the baby is playing with the toys from his dad.
To me, free will is the biggest gift God gives to us. We may have some questions, for example, if God is almighty, why not show some miracles to us to make us believe Him? Why not force us to all believe Him? Why not save us directly? However, true love never enslave! We now can only design robots with precise commands, but God design us by giving us free will to choose to believe Him or not. That is the biggest wisdom of God, that is the greatness of God. Every time I think of this point, I will bow down my knee under His throne. All because He truly loves us, he gives us free will to choose to love Him. And He loves us so much, He send His only son Jesus Christ to die for us on the cross. How great this love is! Is there any other love among our human being is like this? No! Definitely not!
Then why God create us? Why does he want us to suffer, but He loves us so much? What is the meaning of my life in the world? I have tried to search for the meaning of my life. Some people's answer is the meaning of life is to enjoy the life, enjoy the relationship with other people; others' answer is to work hard to achieve your dream; etc. But my own answer is that we have no meaning from our own perspective. What is all the meaning for all you have done in the world? Even if you have gain fame, money, status, love, children, what does that matter to you? You will die finally like all the human beings, except Jesus Christ. Maybe it is not good for us to ask the meaning of our life. How could a cell phone ask what is the meaning of himself? The meaning of our life is dependent on God, the creator! All we have to do is to follow His will, and live a life according to His special plan on you! Maybe He wants you to be a scientist to explore the mysteries of the world, maybe He wants you to be a cleaner. But no matter what He asks you to do, it is good for your own sake. We can glorify Him in many ways!
But, I should also say that the wisdom of God is not accepted by the world. People in the world will laugh at the believers, because they lack the spirit of God. And only God's spirit can understand God's wisdom. I laugh at God's words before I have the spirit of Him. I always thank God for giving me the free gift of His own spirit so that I can understand His words, and not be stumble. God's wisdom is really far far far more than human's wisdom.
Then what is God's wisdom? Just as paul said in Corinthians 2:2 "For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified." That is the whole meaning of the wisdom of God. The wisdom is not about some high-tech, or some advanced art, it is about Jesus Christ's crucification, it is about God's love for us! And what should us do? Just as Mark 12:30-31 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." What should I say? If we can really achieve these two commands, we can be loved by God, we can be purified totally. This two commands contain all the wisdom of God.
Corinthians 3:16
"For who has known the mind of the Lord that he may instruct him?"
But we have the mind of Christ.
Praise be all to our almighty God for giving me your spirit to understand your wisdom! Please purify me using your spirit and your words! Please let me leave the sins I have! Please kill my old self and let the new one dominates! Please give your spirit to those who seek for you! Amen!
2011/01/02
Truth & Faith
All start from a story...
There once was a bottle which contains a lot of bees. They all fly and live in the bottle. Some are very diligent and lucky, so that they can fly very high in the bottle; but some can only stay at the bottom. Those who fly very high feel very proud of themselves and laugh at those who fly at the bottom. All the bees want to fly as high as possible. But their beginning and end are all the same: they came to birth from nothing, they die away with nothing, they cannot escape from the bottle. One day, there is another bee fly from the outside of the bottle, and came to tell some bees in the bottle, "Come on, follow me, I can give you eternal freedom as long as you believe in me!" Some believed him, followed him, and got the eternal freedom because they escape from the bottle; some did not believe him, and stayed in the bottle, and even told other bees do not believe; some did not see that bee, and also did not believe; some believe him even they did not see him; some asked a lot of questions, tested what that bee says... What will you do, if you are one of those bees in the bottle?
What is truth?
Is there any truth in the world? Are we living in a virtual world, anything is illusion? Is everything just relative true, as what relativism states? This is one of the hardest questions from the very beginning. Many philosophers have proposed their ideas for this question. I, in fact, don't know the answer for this question. Because every time I think of this problem, God laughs. I cannot escape the limit of my thought, I can only think in the jail of 3D world! How could I understand what is truth? If I know what is truth, then I am God, but definitely I am not! But Christ come to earth to tell us, "He is truth, He is the way! All who believe Him can get the eternal life."
We can only believe the truth?
We cannot know what is the truth by ourselves. Could a man lift himself up? Could our human being understand ourselves finally? But we can believe what is the truth! However this leads to a problem: Everyone can believe in different things! Then which one should I believe? I don't know the answer neither. Every one of us has his own prior toward the things in the world. No one can be totally objective for everything! So, when I write this article, I am subjective according to what I have learned! Our brain is a "Bayesian Brain", which we turn from one prior into posterior because of some likelihood, and then that posterior begin to be another prior. Everyone believes something, no matter who he is. Personally speaking, according to my understanding and experience, Christ is the truth, Christ is the eternal life goal for me, because "this truth" can be testified and never fail but other things all fails!
Science & Faith
Then what about those science I have learned? Shouldn't we critically think of everything? The answer is yes. We have to critically think of everything. We have to testify everything, no matter it is science or faith. But we now seem like believe in science too much! Even though science teaches us to critically thinking, we do not critically think science some times. We take it for grant that science is the ultimate solution for all the problem. But some of my personal research tell me that it is not true. Science can only solve some problem, but not all problems. Science can somehow answer "How it works!", but it cannot answer "Why it works". How can science explain what is beauty, what is good? A lot of things are out of the control of science. Science is a lot of hypothesis.
Fear of God is the beginning of Wisdom
I have to emphasize that I don't know the truth. But I can believe the truth. If there is a truth, I can testify it from many different perspectives. According to my understanding of God so far, God is truth! And the words by God seem to be more reasonable than any other words I know so far! And God said, "Fear of God is the beginning of Wisdom!" And somehow we can only know God or understand God when we can humble ourselves, and do not think we are our own God, then God's words and His spirit can be with you.
What about the bad things happened because of faith?
As a Chinese, we may all be taught by our government that faith is evil which we can see vividly what "Falun Gong" has done to the people. Then we can also see how people use Christian to gain power, money and many things. Also there was a long dark age of the Church in the history. How could we explain all of this? I don't know. But at least, those people who did that bad things do not really understand the bible, or they do not really believe in God. However, on the other hand, as a Christian, I also do a lot of bad things everyday. That is why God says, "No one is righteous, not even one." We all are sinners, but only God is perfect, and he forgive our sins by killing his own son for us! That is why we need more of God's help to save us, to redeem us from our sinful nature.
Questions?
Of course, I don't think I explain everything clearly yet. And for myself, I always have a lot of problems and questions raising in my head. Unfortunately I cannot explain everything, I cannot know everything, otherwise, I become God! But God said, "The secrete things belong to the Lord our God". However, on the other hand, he also said, "but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law."
What will you choose if you are one of the bee in the bottle? Do you believe that bee from outside of the bottle? Do you think he is crazy? I believe Him! And I will keep seeking the truth! I believe Him will not fail me because He is the Truth! What about you?
There once was a bottle which contains a lot of bees. They all fly and live in the bottle. Some are very diligent and lucky, so that they can fly very high in the bottle; but some can only stay at the bottom. Those who fly very high feel very proud of themselves and laugh at those who fly at the bottom. All the bees want to fly as high as possible. But their beginning and end are all the same: they came to birth from nothing, they die away with nothing, they cannot escape from the bottle. One day, there is another bee fly from the outside of the bottle, and came to tell some bees in the bottle, "Come on, follow me, I can give you eternal freedom as long as you believe in me!" Some believed him, followed him, and got the eternal freedom because they escape from the bottle; some did not believe him, and stayed in the bottle, and even told other bees do not believe; some did not see that bee, and also did not believe; some believe him even they did not see him; some asked a lot of questions, tested what that bee says... What will you do, if you are one of those bees in the bottle?
What is truth?
Is there any truth in the world? Are we living in a virtual world, anything is illusion? Is everything just relative true, as what relativism states? This is one of the hardest questions from the very beginning. Many philosophers have proposed their ideas for this question. I, in fact, don't know the answer for this question. Because every time I think of this problem, God laughs. I cannot escape the limit of my thought, I can only think in the jail of 3D world! How could I understand what is truth? If I know what is truth, then I am God, but definitely I am not! But Christ come to earth to tell us, "He is truth, He is the way! All who believe Him can get the eternal life."
We can only believe the truth?
We cannot know what is the truth by ourselves. Could a man lift himself up? Could our human being understand ourselves finally? But we can believe what is the truth! However this leads to a problem: Everyone can believe in different things! Then which one should I believe? I don't know the answer neither. Every one of us has his own prior toward the things in the world. No one can be totally objective for everything! So, when I write this article, I am subjective according to what I have learned! Our brain is a "Bayesian Brain", which we turn from one prior into posterior because of some likelihood, and then that posterior begin to be another prior. Everyone believes something, no matter who he is. Personally speaking, according to my understanding and experience, Christ is the truth, Christ is the eternal life goal for me, because "this truth" can be testified and never fail but other things all fails!
Science & Faith
Then what about those science I have learned? Shouldn't we critically think of everything? The answer is yes. We have to critically think of everything. We have to testify everything, no matter it is science or faith. But we now seem like believe in science too much! Even though science teaches us to critically thinking, we do not critically think science some times. We take it for grant that science is the ultimate solution for all the problem. But some of my personal research tell me that it is not true. Science can only solve some problem, but not all problems. Science can somehow answer "How it works!", but it cannot answer "Why it works". How can science explain what is beauty, what is good? A lot of things are out of the control of science. Science is a lot of hypothesis.
Fear of God is the beginning of Wisdom
I have to emphasize that I don't know the truth. But I can believe the truth. If there is a truth, I can testify it from many different perspectives. According to my understanding of God so far, God is truth! And the words by God seem to be more reasonable than any other words I know so far! And God said, "Fear of God is the beginning of Wisdom!" And somehow we can only know God or understand God when we can humble ourselves, and do not think we are our own God, then God's words and His spirit can be with you.
What about the bad things happened because of faith?
As a Chinese, we may all be taught by our government that faith is evil which we can see vividly what "Falun Gong" has done to the people. Then we can also see how people use Christian to gain power, money and many things. Also there was a long dark age of the Church in the history. How could we explain all of this? I don't know. But at least, those people who did that bad things do not really understand the bible, or they do not really believe in God. However, on the other hand, as a Christian, I also do a lot of bad things everyday. That is why God says, "No one is righteous, not even one." We all are sinners, but only God is perfect, and he forgive our sins by killing his own son for us! That is why we need more of God's help to save us, to redeem us from our sinful nature.
Questions?
Of course, I don't think I explain everything clearly yet. And for myself, I always have a lot of problems and questions raising in my head. Unfortunately I cannot explain everything, I cannot know everything, otherwise, I become God! But God said, "The secrete things belong to the Lord our God". However, on the other hand, he also said, "but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law."
What will you choose if you are one of the bee in the bottle? Do you believe that bee from outside of the bottle? Do you think he is crazy? I believe Him! And I will keep seeking the truth! I believe Him will not fail me because He is the Truth! What about you?
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